The aftermath of disappointment is very interesting. I’ve found my default mode to be fear, rather than faith. I’m trying to “feed faith”. Not a blind faith, but one that is grounded in who God is. Real faith returns to the Cross to see that God loves me and is for me. So, I’m prayerfully reading Ephesians. It says a lot about God and me:
- He chose me in Christ, before creation, to be holy and blameless.
- He has freely given me grace in Jesus whom He loves.
- He adopted me, in Christ, because this brought Him great joy.
- I have been redeemed, forgiven of my sins, through the sacrifical substitutionary death of Jesus.
- God works out everything according to His plan to accomplish His purposes.
- I have received the promised Holy Spirit to seal/mark me as “Property of Jesus” and a downpayment on the fulness of my salvation.
- God’s power, by which He resurrected and exalted Jesus, is at work in all who believe.
- Jesus has been exalted above all powers and authorities including search committees, personnel managers, Presidents, Congressman and Senators.
- I was dead in sins & transgressions, followed the ways of the Evil One, gratified the cravings of my sinful nature, and was a child of wrath.
- God, who is RICH in MERCY, had a great love for me though I was dead in my sins.
- God made me alive with Messiah, saving me by grace.
- I have been crafted by God in Messiah Jesus to do the good works He planned ahead of time.
- I was separate from Messiah, a foreigner to God’s people, and without hope but have been brought near to God and God’s people by the saving death of Jesus.
- I now belong to God’s people, and God’s household and the living temple that Jesus continues to build.
I’ve had plenty of time on my hands, and been pondering decisions past. When I think of what a blockhead I was, I am more amazed at His love and care. I made many dumb decisions. I believe in providence. As a result, I think God willed some of my blockhead decisions to reveal who I am and how stubborn (prideful, envious, greedy etc) I really am. They were discipline- giving me over to my sin that I might repent of those heart attitudes He revealed in me.
I’m not sure what this current round of disappointment is all about since I’m more passive in this process. I didn’t make decisions so much as having to live with decisions others have made. But it still exposes the dispositions of my heart.
I wonder if there is a book in there- God’s steadfast love in the midst of my foolhardiness. I’m thinking a Blue Like Jazz sort of thing- truth thru story-telling.
I’ve also taken Dan Allender’s The Healing Path off the shelf. Last time I read it was during a particularly painful time in life.
“(This journey) will harden us if we attempt to do an end run around the desert, valley, or craggy peak where God compels us to walk. It will soften, break, mold, and heal us if we choose to take the sorrow and suffering by the hand and walk by faith into the damage of our past, the struggles of our present, and our fears of the future.”
“Healing in this life is not the resolution of our past; it is the use of our past to draw us into deeper relationship with God and his purposes for our lives.”
I need to get back to on-line job applications and learning to not lean on my own understanding.
