Considering Desires in Conflict

Here is another guest post on the subject of homosexuality.  This time my friend reviews  Desires in Conflict, Hope for Men Who struggle with Sexual Identity by Joe Dallas.

The updated version of this book was written in 1991 but the message stands true still. As the subtitle states, the book gives hope for men who struggle with sexual identity. If you are not one of those men, then this book is not for you.

Joe Dallas [click for his counseling website] also wrote When Homosexuality Hits Home, What to Do when a Loved One says They’re Gay. This book offers up step-by-step advice on how to deal with the emotions family members deal with when they learn of a loved ones homosexuality.

But back to Desires in Conflict. Joe Dallas tells his story, guides men on what to expect when dealing with their particular issues.

“Homosexuality is no different. Like all sinful tendencies, homosexual attractions need not rule you or continue to be a predominant force in your life. Specifically, you can expect change to occur in one or all of four ways.”

Here is the list:

1. Change in behavior

2. Change in the frequency of homosexual attractions

3. Change in intensity of homosexual attractions

4. Change in perspective

Nowhere do we see in that list that homosexual attraction disappears.

In the chapter Laying the Foundation, Joe gives us some guidelines of sorts for laying a foundation of change.  Spiritual disciplines, which could be more time in the Word, prayer, communication with God, help you to really understand how God works and how much He truly loves you, and how much He wants you whole and healthy. Church fellowship is also crucial to one’s foundation.  To gather around yourself believers who love and cherish you and know your personal struggles and be willing to help you is important.   Specialized care refers to Christian therapists/counselors and specialized ministries dealing with homosexuals.  Social alliances  include intimate friends who one can confide in, acquaintances to interact with [so one is not isolated].  Healthy, non-sexual relationships with the same sex is often the key to helping and healing those unwanted same sex attractions.

The subtitles in the chapter Why Me? are: learning from our past, biological theories, prenatal influences [this one I actually struggle with], perception of early relationships, emotional responses to early perceptions and sexualization of emotional needs. All which really help one to unearth their own past to reconcile the present and even the future.

He defines what change might look at and gives examples of experiencing change in individuals. He offers advice on maintaining sexual integrity, attaining and maintaining friendships and even dating and marriage.  There are 3 appendices, one answers the ‘born gay’ question [from a Christian ex-gay  perspective], one is pro-gay theology and the last one is 7 FAQ’s by parents.

I leave you with this quote that stuck a chord in me as I read it:

“Above everything else, stay grateful, humble, aware of the Lord your God who brought you out of slippery place and set you on a rock. It was He, not you, who created in your heart dissatisfaction with homosexuality. He disengaged you from habits and tendencies that were destructive. No matter how hard you have striven to learn, to repent, and to grow, it has been His grace that has enabled you to do so. ”

To read an excerpt from Joe Dallas entitled Out of Deception, go here

*this will be the second book my 15 year old son is reading, the first is Healing Homosexuality by Joseph Nicolosi.  After my son read that book, he told me he would like to pursue ‘reparative therapy’. He would like to understand how and why this came about for him and to help him be whole, happy and healthy when he is an adult and out on his own. My son has just recently told his father and me that he is gay. Not really knowing what all that entailed, I embarked on a reading frenzy. We are in the midst of struggling with his announcement, with what we had done wrong, if we can help him in any way.  If, what and how and why.  All these questions run through my mind daily, nightly. In all this we strive to honor our God. We struggle to keep the secret, we struggle to get help.  Writing these book reviews are my way of threshing out my thoughts, my fears, my hopes. I want to thank Cavman for posting these anonymously for me. I am also hoping if someone else out in the web-o- sphere is looking for help for themselves or a loved one, they find these book reviews…Blessings.