Considering Ego

“I’m just a big ego, and everywhere I  go

people know the part I’m playing…”

So went the lyrics on a spoof on David Lee Roth’s cover of Just a Gigolo.  It fit since he was often said to possess quite the ego.  I read an  interesting chapter on ego in leadership.  I started a new book, The Longview: Lasting Strategies for Rising Leaders today.  It is written by Roger Parrott, the President of Belhaven College.

The first 2 chapters were great.  The first was on the challenge to take the longview, or to make decisions as if you will never leave.  He finds (with support from many business studies) that what is wrong with business (and the church & parachurch) is that decisions are made only for the short-term to get quick results so you can move to the next position.

As I read this chapter I was convicted.  At a particular point I started thinking of my next position, and sort of checked out.  I probably made lousy decisions at that point.  And that is Parrott’s point- when you are treating the position as temporary it shapes your concerns and choices.  You want to look good NOW, with little to no regard for what will happen after you leave.

One reason people look toward the next position instead of taking the longview is ego.  They want bigger and better.  They view the current position only as a stepping stone to the next step up the corporate or church ladder.  This is why I didn’t go into youth ministry.  I knew I would only treat it as a stepping stone.  (Don’t worry, my pride showed up in other ways like the self-righteousness of not playing the “game”).

Because ego-driven leadership must be continually fed, it demands that immediate needs are always more important than the longview results, thus stifling opportunity for ministry of lasting value.

He offers some of the signs that a person is probably driven by ego (getting attention) rather than ambition (advances in the kingdom).

• Live Flamboyantly– drawn to lavishness in things and people.
• Inflate Vision– consistently over-promise and under-deliver.
• Act Invincible- winning is more important than what is prudent and wise.
• Ignore Critics– discredit or ignore those with different ideas, or who offer constructive criticism.
• Crave Adrenaline– gain energy in flagrant risk.
• Exaggerate Actions– exhaust rather than equip their staff.
• Become Sensitive– very thin-skinned, they either attack or isolate.
• Attract Groupies– people who will not/cannot challenge them.  They feed their attention addiction.
• Demand Appreciation– like a drug addict.
• Require Empathy– without offering empathy.
• Listen Poorly– they don’t want instruction, correction or good ideas.
• Enjoy Competition– gaining attention by prevailing over others.
• Control Obsessively– uncomfortable when they are not in control.
• Ignore Boundaries– they assume they are better than others, and not subject to the same rules.

Parrott references Good to Great.  This is the guy who often gets the job, but does not keep it for long since he can’t really do the job.  Churches often get sold a false bill of goods by candidates.  I’ve seen it too often.  And when the leadership realizes it they are often demonized by those not close enough to see it yet.  By the time most of the congregation realizes it, it is too late.

The man best able to sustain successful ministry is the humble man.  Humble people aren’t “born” they are created by faith and repentance.  They face temptation to be prideful and inflate ego but resist as the grace of God teaches them to say ‘no’.  Tim Keller advises pastors to listen to compliments, but “not to drink them in”.  What he means is acknowledge them instead of denying them (false humility), but not to live for them or be driven by them.  Pastors face this temptation every Sunday.  If you live for the “good sermon” something is wrong.

There are some good books in humility by Wayne Mack and C.J. Mahaney.  Both include helpful questions for recognizing pride to to direct you toward repentance.  But the main path to humility is God’s painful providences.  He works to humble us, bring us low, because so often we are unable to do it ourselves being prone to self-deception.  Failure, disappointment and more are experienced to teach us to rely not upon the flesh but upon Him who can raise the dead.

This is an important part of leadership, the pursuit of humility.  Apart from it leaders will not “play well” with others.  Ministry  will be all about them, not Christ and the gospel.  In process, churches, ministries and businesses are destroyed.