Considering Jennifer Knapp

Is it me or does she look profoundly sad?

My experience with Jennifer Knapp’s music is pretty minimal.  CavWife played some for me while traveling from FL to NJ eons ago when we were engaged.  It was okay, but didn’t really hit me.  That’s okay.  Her music resonated with some other people I know including my now sister-in-law.

Then she (Jennifer) disappeared.  Because of my sister-in-law I took note of her recent re-emergence and impending album.  Then came the CT interview, and I was pretty shocked (here’s another on from Relevant).  Not being a fan of Knappy’s I was not aware of the rumors (which is perfectly fine by me).  Like many, I was confused but for different reasons.  Here were some of my thoughts:

• How does this issue sneak up on a 30 year-old woman?  She talks like it wasn’t really an issue before aside from perhaps some overly dependent, non-sexual relationships with women in college (her comments were fairly cryptic).
• Why does she expect a love fest from people who don’t really know her?  Yet she didn’t seem to trust her own community with the truth.  To be fair, she’s been traveling the world so I don’t know if she even has a community.
• Why did she seem to think “me and Jesus” was enough when Jesus calls us into that community called the church to help one another in our battles with sin?  Maybe she did, but the article gave me the other impression.

Jennifer’s admission is a good thing in many ways.  Though necessary, it was bold of her to finally admit to the struggle going on in her heart.  I don’t agree with the path she’s taking.  Like all of have been (and may be) she appears to be blinded by the deceitfulness of sin.  She hides behind lots of words.  Maybe because she doesn’t want to be a spokesperson or public advocate.  Maybe she’s just really confused as she sorts out what the Bible says about her longings.  We can all fall into that trap.

Our struggle with sin is not easy, particularly one that comes so close to our identity as homosexuality.  This is why Luther said “life is repentance”.  It is not gone after a week of fasting and prayer.  There is much difficult work in putting sin to death.  This is why James tells us to confess our sins and pray for one another (James 5).  It is a battle we were not meant to fight alone.

Steve Brown often says “demons die in the light.”  The secrets we keep enslave us.  I know that truth of that first hand.  When we confess them we are also to face the reality of their wrongness.  When we don’t, we really aren’t relying on the gospel to transform us.  We’re just saying we wish it wasn’t a struggle.

I hope Jennifer’s admission will open some dialogue.  There does need to be open-heartedness on both sides.  People like Jennifer have to be willing to be wrong.  I haven’t seen that often.  People usually just want us to condone their sin as something else.  People like me need to be open to loving them through the process, being stubborn testaments of God’s stubborn, purifying love.

I found it immensely interesting that just recently the American College of Pediatricians released a statement about homosexuality with regard to sexual education in schools.  They reject the notion that people are “born gay”.  They admit predispositions, but one still has choices.  The church needs to talk more about the effects of the fall, including predisposition to things like alcoholism and homosexuality.  We need to recognize they do exist, but they are not determining our fate.  You don’t have to drink yourself to death, or act upon your desires (any more than any other person has to act on all their sexual desires).

Sadly we have to keep hashing out the “is it wrong” argument instead of engaging in the how does God want me to live in light of the truth discussion.  One aspect of the truth we all have to face is this:

24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.  25 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.  26 What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?  Matthew 16 (NIV)

Jesus bids us all to come and die to our own agendas, desires and goals.  The presence of a desire is not cause enough to satisfy it.  When we seek life on our terms, we’ll lose our life.  Plain and simple- regardless of how innocuous the sin appears to us.

So I think this can lead to some helpful discussion.  I also hope it leads to many people praying for Jennifer (and those they know who share that struggle with that sin) to increasingly come under the reign and rule of God by his pardoning and empowering grace.