Considering Resisting Gossip

Everybody has done it. No, not that it. I’m talking about gossip, and while I’m sure a couple of people in addition to Jesus haven’t partaken of gossip, the number is quite small. Even little children gossip; we call it tattling. Elderly women are known for being busy bodies. We do it at lunch with co-workers, over dinner with friends and over the phone with other members of our church. Gossip is such a part of us we usually don’t know that we are doing it. There are whole industries devoted to feeding our appetite for gossip. But when we are caught we feel nearly as much shame as if we were doing the other thing.

²⁸ And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. ²⁹ They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, ³⁰ slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, ³¹ foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. ³² Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. Romans 1

There aren’t many books that deal with gossip which is strange for such a common sin. We minimize how serious it is, but it shows up in the list of sins found in Romans 1. Often we focus on the sins of others, especially those outside of the church, and neglect those sins that have a serious foothold among those in the church.

Resisting Gossip by Matthew C. Mitchell is not only a much needed contribution but an excellent contribution that should be read by church leaders and …. well, just about everybody (see my intro above, and note the questions at the end of each chapter). Mitchell always keeps an eye on the gospel as he exegetes our hearts and shows us how to fight the war of the wagging tongue (to play on his subtitle). He also follows a thoughtful plan in laying out the book.

Mitchell begins with a definition of sinful gossip. His working definition is “the sin of gossip is bearing bad news about behind someone’s back out of a bad heart.” This recognizes a few things. There are times in which it is okay to bear bad news about a person. Church discipline would be impossible if we could not do that. It has to do with the motivation. The motivation of gossip is usually to either be “in the know” or to harm the other person’s reputation.

Like the author, I am an information junkie. In my counseling classes we often talked about “the vows” that people make to never be hurt again. Or look stupid again. Or …. I remember a time when I was about 12. A teammate’s father was giving me a ride home from a basketball game. He asked if I liked BTO (Bachman-Turner Overdrive for those of you not in the know). Clueless as to what he meant. I felt embarrassed, and didn’t want to feel that again. It begins to dominate your life, and it knows no bounds. You move from facts about stuff to the dirt on people. It feels good to be in the know. It feels horrible to be the last to know.

“There are a number of sinful heart motivations that can produce sinful gossip. The good news is that the gospel of Jesus Christ has answers for them all.”

The Scriptures are honest when they talk about gossip. It is a choice morsel that goes deep into us, satisfying us. The reason we speak it or listen to it is that there is something very wrong with our hearts. While magazines, shows and other media are part of the problem the overarching problem is the human heart that delights in hearing of the sin of others and of telling others about that sin or foible. Matthew Mitchell moves from what gossip is to why we so it. As he goes he tells stories about himself and others who have struggled with gossip, or being gossiped about. He doesn’t do it with bad motives, or behind their backs. These are honest illustrations that reveal how this sin plays out in real life.

“Our indwelling sin is much like Saddam Hussein hiding away in a spider hold, thinking that we can still regain power by trying to coordinate the wreaking of havoc on the new regime.”

Mitchell moves into the main types of gossips: the spy, the grumbler, the backstabber, the chameleon, and the busybody. This is because no two gossips are identical. Each has different motivations and the gospel is applied to them in a different way. It addresses their particular motivations. Christ’s work for us is not flat and static, but it dynamic and accomplishes so much.

Part 2 of the book is about resisting gossip. You can’t just diagnose something, but you must provide a plan to address the problem. While confession and forgiveness is important, it isn’t all we do. We have to put this work of the flesh to death in the power of the Spirit. The first thing Mitchell talks about it putting on love. Here that means believing the best, not the worst, about the other person. We avoid sinful judgments or slander. Much of gossip is a rash judgment that is based on one side of the story. I can think of some recent events in the Reformed corner of the universe that was very much gossip in repeating a rash judgment without getting the other side of the story. Thankfully the man who started it all confessed his wrong-doing and asked forgiveness. Unfortunately I haven’t seen those who kept repeating his errors confess their part in adding wood to this fire. They didn’t believe the best about their other brothers, but took up the cause of one they felt was wronged. It happens so quickly! It can do so much damage to the honor of Christ and the peace of the Church.

Instead of gossiping we can speak other words more in keeping with our new identity in Christ. We can commend commendable things about the other person. We don’t have to address everything about them. Sadly, when a famous person dies some people aren’t content to commend the commendable but bring up all the wrong the person did. This is in the name of balance. The guy just died, we can remember the best not the worst of that person for a period of time. We can also encourage people to talk to the other person instead of about them. We can also offer words of mercy to those about whom we heard a bad report.

He does provide an important exception. There are times in which we have to warn others about a person. We don’t share to harm one person but to protect others from someone who may be dangerous. And we must obviously report specific things to the authorities like suspected child abuse. That is not gossip but wisdom and law abiding.

At times we have to listen to bad reports, particularly if we are in a position of authority at work or church. We must listen with discernment to sort out why they are telling us this. He advises us to “pray and weigh.” There will be time when we need to avoid the discussions. We can change the subject. We don’t necessarily need to confront the gossiper unless they persist. All of this is part of how we resist our own temptation to gossip.

Sometimes we are the subject of gossip. Mitchell moves into how we respond to gossip about us. First we respond in faith. We have to trust God to protect us and restore us. Our temptation is to try and defend ourselves and perform damage control. Instead we should trust God to vindicate us (Romans 12:14-21). This means bringing our pain and fear to God instead of clinging to them so they control us. We also respond in love. We may overlook their sin, absorbing the loss without confrontation. If the damage is great we may confront with a purpose of restoration not retribution. We also seek to do good to them.

The last part of the book is regretting gossip. It is about the power of the gospel to remove our guilt and shame as those who gossip. We should repent of our gossip, retract of gossip and receive Christ’s cleansing (note the alliteration of Mitchell’s writing here).

There is an additional chapter for leaders about creating a gossip resistant culture. It doesn’t happen by accident. People need to be instructed in sermons, small groups (now there is a study he produced, and a value pack), membership classes and other venues about the problems of gossip.

This is a great little book filled with much wisdom and grace. I didn’t notice any particular weaknesses or oversights. It is a practical book that doesn’t lose sight of Christ and His work for us. It serves as a good example for how to write a book on a subject like this. This book should find its way into a pastor’s library because we hear gossip and are tempted to spread gossip as well as the object of gossip.