Considering the Kids’ Antics

With  CavWife and I out of town this past weekend the kids stayed with some friends.  I haven’t written too much about the kids lately.  Our friend’s updates were funny, so I thought I’d make them available.

Ch. 1: played on floor from 8-9:30.  LAID on floor while CavKids PLAYED on floor.

Ch. 2: SNACK–brought up by CavGirl (surprised?)  Townhouse crackers/bananas/grapes and a few Easter M&M’s from the bottom of Karl’s Easter basket.

Ch.3: SWAM from 10-11:30.  Neither went in farther than their knees (1st pool step).  But we had fun with Grey’s truck and sand bucket.  They poured water all over me!  When they were peeling off their suits I suggested they go potty in the grass since CavSon wasn’t keen on my toilet before we swam.  Both had success!

Ch. 4: LUNCH at………….McDonald’s!!  11:45 – 12:30.  They were completely clueless about the restaurant and the food.  I was almost embarassed!  I got them both Happy Meals thinking they would each get a toy—well….it was a CD of kids songs.  Except when we played it in the car on the way home it was RAP and HIP-HOP!  Sung BY kids but definitely not “Kid Music!”  CavGirl gobbled all SIX chicken nuggets and CavSon ate 3 of his 4 but ALL of his french fries!  He was completely fascinated with the Ronald McDonald statue outside on the bench, so after we ate we went out there.  CavGirl crawled right up into his lap but CavSon kept shaking his head “no!”  I bet next time you pass McD’s she will mention something about the trip.

Ch. 5: came home and played babies with Meg and Amber til nap.

Ch. 6: NAP at 1:15.  He went potty on the toilet, and he did use the stool a bit.  She was totally into going upstairs with all her JUNK to take her nap; so was CavSon til I actually left Karl’s room–then he cried, but not for long.  She asked for some books and as of 1:45, I don’t hear any crying or singing…..

Ch. 7: Post-Nap:  I think I filled you in on most of this.  The kids played with Amber and Meg on the tire swing while I fixed dinner.  We ate and I drove the girls to Lakeland.  Came home and took baths in the BIG bathtub.  They loved it.

Ch. 8:  8:15: BEDTIME!  We all read a book then CavSon went down, then I read 1 more to CavGirl and she went right down.  I woke up about 7:45 and was listening for “rumblings” but heard nothing–I couldn’t believe this was actually true.  When I went upstairs, meg had her on the bathroom sink and was looking at her chin.  Well…..apparently she fell out of bed in the middle of the night and hit the bottom of her chin on the little rocking chair next to the guest bed!  I didn’t hear a thing!!!  She said she didn’t cry–just crawled back into bed.  But her bumpy blanket looked like a CRIME SCENE this morning, as did her PJ’s.  (another load of wash…)  She has a small slit on the bottom of her chin.  A doctor might have called for a stitch, but…too late!  So Meg was cleaning it and putting a band-aid on it.  She wasn’t upset at all!!  Can you believe it??

Ch. 9:  HOT BREAKFAST of French Toast and yogurt.  MEG thoroughly enjoyed it.  She left at 9:00 for Sunday School and we didn’t!  Instead, we watched…..”Lady and the Tramp” which the kids LOVED.  This gave me time to get ready for church.  (A guy from Riverview preached…where is that?  He said near Brandon?  He mentioned that they adopted both their girls, and CavGirl made friends with Rachael in C.Church.).  He came out of the nursery after church with a Matchbox Service Station/garage which I was told was a birthday present from the nursery worker!  He was SO excited.  The C.C. lady told me the nursery worker (don’t know any names here!) tried to bring him to C.C. since he is 3 now (I totally forgot!) but he would have NOTHING to do with it!  So they took him back to the nursery.

Ch. 10: LUNCH–grilled cheese and tomato soup and fruit.  CavGirl did not care for her soup and she told me so, but quickly added that she could still have a snack, right?!!  :  )  They watched the last 15 minutes of the movie and down for nap.  This time I remembered his diaper!

Ch. 11:  NAP–I slept great….don’t know about CavGirl as she was up and singing at 4:00 when I went up.  He had just woken up and was crying a bit.  CavGirl wanted to swim again, so as she was going potty b-4 putting her suit on, he tried to jump up on the toilet as well.  He had just peed in his diaper so I couldn’t imagine why he would want to try again, but I made him wait til she was done.  POOP!!!  This would have been a dandy time to be able to talk…but I’m glad he did it w/o being asked.  We were out in the pool when Cavnan called, but Karl gave me the message.  CavSon was not as thrilled about going in this time—it was all I could do to get him to stand on the first step.  Oh well.

Ch. 12:  PIZZA for dinner:  I just ordered Dominos.  CavGirl suggested that we go somewhere “special” for supper like we did for lunch yesterday so we compromised on pizza.  She asked it if was the kind that the MAN brings!!

There you have it … a few days in the life of the kids.

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Considering When Homosexuality Hits Home

My friend has been busy reading.  I am filled with envy and must repent.  She read another book by Joe Dallas.  This one was When Homosexuality Hits Home: What to Do when a Loved One Says They’re Gay.  Here’s what she says:

When Homosexuality Hits Home: What to Do When a Loved One Says they’re Gay was written by Joe Dallas, the author of Desires in Conflict.

In this book Joe Dallas speaks to parents or loved ones of someone who states they are gay. In the first chapter he likens finding out about the loved ones struggle to the process after a death or major traumatic event in our lives. We go through 5 general stages or phases of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. And in this case it is the death of assumptions.

[This is what I was thinking about a week before I picked up this book. I’m stuck in the anger phase and starting my depression.]

Assumptions of how I, as a loved one, expected his life to be.

There is a chapter for parents, one for other family members with varying ranges of relational contact with the SSA relative, and one for when homosexuality hits a marriage.

Joe Dallas uses the prodigal son from Luke 15:11-32 to show how family members may be feeling when one ‘comes out’. Also this verse from Jeremiah 31:16-17 hit home with me;

16 Thus says the Lord:
“Keep your voice from weeping,
and your eyes from tears,
for there is a reward for your work,
declares the Lord,
and they shall come back from the land of the enemy.
17 There is hope for your future,
declares the Lord,
and your children shall come back to their own country.

Joe says you can’t miss the three fold message here:

God sees. He sees both your beloved daughter and son, and He sees your tears.

God preserves. He continues His efforts long after human effort has exhausted itself.

God holds out hope, for both you and your children.

This book gives practical advice from the heart, Joe tells of the 3 most common arguments for the pro-gay position. And he also asks us to walk a mile in the shoes of the gay loved one. To see what the son or daughter has been thinking, for how long they have been thinking it and what they might have to endure in their lifetime.

You will discover what to say and not to say, how to handle family visits, maintain balance and how to strengthen not weaken your relationhip.

On a personal note: my son is struggling with SSA and he still lives at home, we home school and go to church. He is struggling with his faith, his identity, and his sexuality. Being so close constantly puts a strain on our relationship and I, as his mom, have a very hard time keeping my mouth shut. I need to be constantly reminded that God loves him much more than I and God is in control of his life, I’m not. I need to be constantly reminded he is and always has been my son, whom I love more than life itself.

My one piece of advice now to anyone reading this would be to watch your words. Think before you speak, try to see your loved one the way God does. Remember you need the same grace they do, the same grace God freely gives.

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Considering Desires in Conflict

Here is another guest post on the subject of homosexuality.  This time my friend reviews  Desires in Conflict, Hope for Men Who struggle with Sexual Identity by Joe Dallas.

The updated version of this book was written in 1991 but the message stands true still. As the subtitle states, the book gives hope for men who struggle with sexual identity. If you are not one of those men, then this book is not for you.

Joe Dallas [click for his counseling website] also wrote When Homosexuality Hits Home, What to Do when a Loved One says They’re Gay. This book offers up step-by-step advice on how to deal with the emotions family members deal with when they learn of a loved ones homosexuality.

But back to Desires in Conflict. Joe Dallas tells his story, guides men on what to expect when dealing with their particular issues.

“Homosexuality is no different. Like all sinful tendencies, homosexual attractions need not rule you or continue to be a predominant force in your life. Specifically, you can expect change to occur in one or all of four ways.”

Here is the list:

1. Change in behavior

2. Change in the frequency of homosexual attractions

3. Change in intensity of homosexual attractions

4. Change in perspective

Nowhere do we see in that list that homosexual attraction disappears.

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Considering Relative Silence

Yes, I haven’t been too active on the lately.  That is what happens when you are juggling three p/t  jobs.  Here’s what is happening, if you care.

In addition to my Stated Supply gig, I’ve gotten jobs at a hardware store, and the local hospital.  The church has called a new pastor, and my services will not be needed much longer.  So, a friend offered me a seasonal job in their store to accumulate some resources.  I also got an “on call” position as an EKG tech with the hope that with my foot in the door I can get a f/t postion if one opens up.  But now I’m in training for the better part of 2 weeks.

All this has me running in 3 very different directions.  Actually more since I’m still looking for a new church to pastor, and a full-time job locally for the transition.  Don’t forget the reality of being a husband and father.

As a result, there has been far less time for reading and writing.

The last couple of months have been busy on the pastoral search front.  There are a few churches that are considering me- nothing serious, but I’ve had more interviews in the last few months than in the previous 2 years.  So it is interesting to say the least.  We continue to pray for the right door to open up, and for God to provide for us during the transition.

It has been a long, strange journey the past few years.  We don’t understand much of it.  At times it has been quite painful for us- repeated rejection can be that way.  But we have been able to minister to a number of people.  My gifts have been used to the furtherance of God’s kingdom.  CavWife has been able to encourage others as well.  It is like we are on parade as evidence of God’s sustaining grace.  Not quite where we want to be, but there nonetheless.

For now we continue to be faithful, pray, wait and interview.  I’ll blog as I have time.  And maybe I’ll have some REALLY good news soon.

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Considering A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality

Today I have a guest blogger who asked to anonymously post some book reviews.  Their family is going through some difficulties, and this helps them process what they are reading.  Perhaps it will help you.

These posts will deal with an issue that is quite controversial today.  There has been a shift in thinking on some of these things.  Some of you may not agree, that’s okay.  We live in a world marred by something the Bible calls sin, which means things aren’t as they ought to be.  One can believe that a lifestyle is wrong, without hating a person who practices that lifestyle.  Nothing here is conveys hatred or fear- but seeks to grapple with life in a world filled with sin and misery.  With that being said- one to our guest post.

A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph & Linda Nicolosi was the first book I read, even before I found out my son was struggling with SSA [same sex attraction]. A friend of mine suggested it to me and deep in my heart I knew something was awry with my teenage son.
Joseph puts in a few case studies, which are very interesting, (sometimes I found myself nodding and saying “yes, that’s us!”), and a journal from a mother who is trying to help her young son on the road to healing.
There is plenty of debate in the mental health profession and homosexual community over whether being ‘gay’ is hereditary, chosen or not, can be changed or not. I’m here to tell you I believe having SSA is from a multitude of factors, which I will list later and can be ‘fixed’ or healed. That is to say that if the underlying problems or symptoms are addressed and the person affected does not want these feelings brought upon him he or she can get help.
Being homosexual, according to Joseph, is an identity problem, a gender identity problem within the family, of not being secure in one’s own gender.
In identifying GID [Gender-identity Disorder] there are usually 5 markers to determine whether the child has it. One being preference for anything of the opposite gender that being clothes, toys, sports, playmates, etc.
I can not stress enough and neither can any of the books I read that the same gender parent play a huge role in making and healing of the GID child. For boys, they need a father who is affectionate, hands-on in his life, affirming and loving. In most cases of SSA or GID, the fathers were non-existent either physically or emotionally. And the mothers were overbearing, protective and using the boy as a husband replacement.
[In our case, my sons father was in his life and always loving, affectionate and there for him. I, on the other hand, was and still am very overbearing, controlling and disrespected his father constantly. Sadly, there are no male figures in his immediate family my son wants to emulate.]
Boys have to be taught masculinity [by the father] and girls need to be taught femininity [by their mother]. Children need to be shown that being the gender they are is good and right and that they are special and loved being their gender.
There are plenty of other influences that shape a SSA child; family structure, sexual abuse, sensitive natures, harassment by others, poor body image, etc. Most of which I can not go into. Chapter 8 goes into the politics of treatment and how the world views define disability, treatment, gay and homosexuality.
This quote by A. Dean Byrd, PHD at the beginning of Chapter 9 ‘The Healing Process‘ hit so hard with me. I burst into tears reading it.
“Dads, hugs your sons. If you don’t, someday another man will.”
This chapter goes on to challenge the parents to affirm masculinity in their sons, to touch and be affectionate with their same-sex children. Many case examples follow and so does one mothers’ journal, struggling to help her son and help her husband to help their son.
This book is more for parents for young children who are struggling with identity, but can be read by parents like me, who have an older child and who want to get help or to see what may have caused SSA or GID.
I highly recommend this book. I am a Christian mom of a teenage boy who has conveyed to me he is having feelings of being gay. I do not believe people are born gay. I do not believe our God has made people gay. I believe a number of influences contribute to acting out of those feelings and desires. A desire to be loved by the same sex gender, a desire to have what the person lacks, perceived and/or real abuses and harms done to a person when young, certain personality traits, family dynamics and a persons plain old sin nature.
I’m reviewing a few other books bout this topic. Please come back and check them out. Please also, no negative/derogatory comments. Cavman is kind enough to put these on his blog to allow me to be anonymous and work out in writing my feelings after reading these books.

Just a reminder, this is a parent coming to gripes with their son’s homosexuality.  Many parents in that position have many questions.  While you may have different opinions on these answers, I ask that you respect her attempts to understand it.  If you are homosexual, and don’t want to change, please understand that there are many who do.  The goal isn’t to get in your face.  You chose to read this, we didn’t force you to.

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Considering Troubled Teens

There is a new book out, Get Outta My Face: How to Reach Angry, Unmovtivated Teens with Biblical Counsel by Rick Horne, that offers assistance to families, ministers and counselors.  WTS Books has this book for 65% off , an introductory price of $4.88, until January 24, 2009 at noon.  Then it will be the customary 30% off, not a bad deal either.  [ WTS Books sold out, but received 500 more copies of the book.  When they are gone, so is the special price!]

Here is what some other authors have said about this book:

“Rick Horne has invested in teens his whole life. He has learned that he is more like them than unlike them. From years of first hand experience, he knows how to talk with them and his is not afraid of the tough ones. What you will read here is the wisdom of a man who has experienced the courage and hope that transforming grace can give to you and that hard teenager God has chosen for you to be near. This book is a call to action with biblical perspectives and practical steps that God can use to change the teenager and you as well.”  Paul David Tripp, author of Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands, co-author of How People Change among other books highly recommended by Cavman.

“Rick Horne knows teens the kind that won’t talk and those that won’t stop talking. If you have a teenager, you need this book. In fact, don’t wait for the teen years! Arm yourself now with the timeless truths from this book that counsels moms and dads with gospel-hope for teenage trials.”  Dave Harvey author of When Sinners Say “I Do”.  (Highly recommended by Cavman)

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Considering Our Flight to NY

Everything seemed to get off to a good start.  We went to bed at a reasonable hour, mostly packed and oatmeal soaking for a quick breakfast for the kids.  We’d be getting them up a little early, not way before the crack of dawn like on other trips, to get on the road to the airport by 7:30.  This would give up plenty of time to get to OIA in time for our 10:05 flight to Albany.  But you know what they say about the “best laid plans of mice and men.”

It broke down near the end of my shower.  CavWife went to get the kids up.  CavBoy had peed so much it soaked through his diaper, PJs (which we were hoping to have him wear on the flight) and into his sheets.  So CavWife was involved with stripping his bed and sent him into a still-dripping dad to strip him down and put him on the potty.

This was the morning that he decided he had to poop first thing.  And it took time as the minutes quickly went by.  Suddenly I heard CavGirl screaming from the kitchen.  To help avoid illness being passed around the plane, we gave the kids Airborne.  CavWife mistakenly put it in CavGirl’s water bottle.  So, it fizzed away building up pressure until CavGirl opened it.  It erupted, spraying  our very dramatic/traumatic daughter.  So much for not having to change her clothes…

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Considering Strawberry Picking

While all the world seemed to be shopping on “Black Friday,” the CavFamily spent part of the morning picking strawberries.  CavWife’s friend let us know of a new place to pick them.  The farm is only 2 years old, and it is hydroponic which is way cool.

Hydro-who-a-whatis????

Hydroponics (from the Greek words hydro water and ponos labour) is a method of growing plants using mineral nutrient solutions, without soil. Terrestrial plants may be grown with their roots in the mineral nutrient solution only or in an inert medium, such as perlite, gravel, or mineral wool.

Plant physiology researchers discovered in the 19th century that plants absorb essential mineral nutrients as inorganic ions in water. In natural conditions, soil acts as a mineral nutrient reservoir but the soil itself is not essential to plant growth. When the mineral nutrients in the soil dissolve in water, plant roots are able to absorb them. When the required mineral nutrients are introduced into a plant’s water supply artificially, soil is no longer required for the plant to thrive. Almost any terrestrial plant will grow with hydroponics. Hydroponics is also a standard technique in biology research and teaching.

Other advantages include faster growth combined with relative freedom from soil diseases, and very consistent crops, the quality of produce being excellent. There is also a considerable reduction in growing area, weeds are practically non-existant, while standard methods and automatic operations mean less labor, less cost, and no hard manual work. Some plants can be raised, out of season, better control of crops naturally results in addition to no dirt and no smells. Waterlogging never occurs now. Chemically grown plants are not inferior to naturally reared ones in point of flavor, nor have analyses shown any deficiency in vitamin content. In fact, hydroponic fruits and vegetables are sweeter and more luscious than those grown in ordinary soil.

Soil-less farming.  Very interesting.  They had these rotating stryrofoam towers with numerous pots in them.  You didn’t have to bend down to pick anything if you didn’t want to.  All the nutrients are in the water.  They had 3 kinds of strawberries, and they were delicioso!  I couldn’t believe how red they looked.  The kids had a blast, though CavSon was a bit too exuberent- often picking green strawberries.

The farm also grows tomatos, squash, peppers, cucumbers and lettuce hydroponically.  They have lots of blueberry bushes that were hybrids designed to grow well in Florida.  They should be ready for picking in late March.  So we’ll go back.

After picking our berries, and tour of the other crops, we got to see the miniature horse they just purchased, and their other 2 horses.  They also had a catfish pond, so we got to feed them.  CavSon wasn’t able to toss it far, so the turtles will have to clean up after him.  It took a few minutes for the fish to do their thing.  I wish we could have taken one or 2 home for some good eatin’.  But we did bring home 4 pounds of strawberries that are so sweet and juicy.  A great way to spend a glorious Florida morning.  Way better than shopping.

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Birthday-Date Night

A friend has provided gift cards for a movie & dinner, as well as babysitting so CavWife & I can go out and celebrate our birthdays.  With mine this weekend, we will see a Cavman movie.

Sorry Roger Ebert, James Bond is more than an attitude- he’s an action hero, an assassin, the man who brings payback on behalf of his nation.  The days of Roger Moore are DONE- thankfully.

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CavSon Update

Not the soft food diet!

Yes, some info on CavSon.  I only said “most”, not “all”, of the CavFamily updates would be on my Facebook page.  This one will be in both places.

We have noticed the fistula in CavSon’s hard palate (anterior) getting bigger.  More food has been stuck up there (easily removed though).  Last week the raman noodles I made with our stirfry were hanging out of his nose.  Yeah, that is very exciting to behold.

With our deductible paid, and the fact that we have no spare money lying around in the mattress, we realized that IF he needed another surgery, it would be best to have it done before the end of the year.  We pushed up his follow-up visit, and the surgeon quickly determined that another surgery was called for.  The tissue in his mouth has had time to heal since his surgery in April. 

With a trip to NY planned for mid-December, the surgery will take place before Thanksgiving.  If you can remember, that means a long night of not sleeping in the hospital.  So excited about that.  Nor am I looking forward to comforting him in the recovery room again.  It won’t be as bad this time since it is only a palate revision- instead of a palate reconstruction and lip revision like last time.  But still, it will be tough on the little guy.

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Considering Instructing a Child’s Heart

I was not raised in a family that understood the gospel and raised children with a God-ward orientation or focused on our hearts.  As I seek to raise the 2 little lives (with more to come?) He has placed in my care, I recognize I need help.  I found Shepherding a Child’s Heart to be helpful.  So when Ted & Margy Tripp released Instructing a Child’s Heart, I believed it would be helpful for me.

I was not wrong.  Unlike the previous book, which focused on corrective discipline, this book focused on formative instruction-

“Formative instruction gives children principles and absolutes by which to live- hooks to hang life on.”

They address 5 goals for formative instruction, and the call to formative instruction from Deuteronomy 6, communicating formative instruction, and topics including authority, sowing & reaping, a vision for God’s glory, the importance of the church and ultimately the centrality of the gospel.  The book is humbling, as I reckon with how often I fail as a parent (therefore the gospel is for me too!).

This is a very good book, but not a perfect book.  There are statements they make that I would disagree with, as in Shepherding a Child’s Heart.  One of those was in the chapter on authority.  There is much in that chapter that is good, true and right.  But not this:

There is a popular method of child management that powerfully illustrates my point.  “Honey, you can wear the red shirt, the green shirt, or the blue shirt.  It’s up to you.”

It does not occur to a three-year-old that there are more than three shirts in the closet.  He makes his choice.  Mother is indifferent to which shirt the child chooses.  All are equally appropriate.  On the surface it seems like a win, win.  The child feels like he is a decision-maker, mother gets him to wear something appropriate, and there is no fight.  What could be better than that?

While all that sounds very good and quite enlightened, in reality the subtext for the child is, “You are the decision-maker here.  You have the right to choose.  I may suggest the various alternatives, but it is your right to choose.”

As made in God’s image, our children need to learn to choose wisely.  There is no magical age at which this happens.  We are to teach them how to make decisions while under authority.  The parent here sets the proper boundaries, and provides some freedom.  My 3-year-old knows she has more than 3 shirts in her closet.  My child is not my slave, though she is my responsibility.  I must teach her about living under authority- but an authority that loves and nurtures her (and him), not one that will squelch.  Refusing to teach them to make decisions within boundaries, in my opinion, gives them an unhealthy view of authority.  Obviously the Tripps disagree with me.

You don’t have to agree with every jot and tittle to find a book helpful.  I still found it very helpful, and CavWife plans on reading it too.  Some of what was helpful was the discussions about how we tend to reinforce our children’s idols, as well as the culture’s and our own as parents.  Part of good, godly parenting is to turn from our own idols, helping them to see their own idols and to lay hold of Christ instead.  The gospel is not a parenting add-on, but at the very core of parenting.

Paul found joy in the gospel and never moved beyond the gospel because he knew the gospel was the power of God for salvation- including everything fron initial calling by grace, to justification, to ultimate glorification.  We never move beyond the centrality of the gospel.

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Reformation Day 2008

Hope you are having, or have had a great Reformation Day.  Here’s my Reformation Day sermon from a few years ago- From Rags to Righteousness. 

Tonight we took the kids to a Fall Festival/Trunk or Treat event at a local baptist church.  They had a great time, especially CavGirl.  They had 2 Moonwalks (aka bouncy machine), a hay ride, some emergency vehicles and plenty of candy.  I think we got some great photos, but I haven’t downloaded them.  Maybe soon.

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Considering We Own The Night

We Own the Night takes place in drug plagued late 80’s New York City.  It is the story of a father and his two sons.  To say there are dad issues in this movie is quite the understatement.  I was reminded of the story of the Prodigal Son(s).  Joaquin Phoenix plays Bobby, the son of the Police Chief (played by Robert Duvall) who takes the last name of his late mother.  He avoids the Police Department and ends up running a night club.  He also avoids his family since he is a big disappointment to his father.  He finds a substitute in the club owner, a Russian who imports fur.  He is like family to the Russian and his family.  The man’s wife tries to fatten him up and treats him like the son she never had.

Mark Wahlberg plays the obedient, trusted son Joseph.  He joined the Police Department and has risen to the rank of Captain.  He is angry at his brother for leaving home and the family business.  Bobby is angry at him for messing up the good thing he thinks he has going, and the condemnation he feels.

Tensions heighten because Joe is the head of the new drug task force.  He and his father inform Bobby that the owner’s nephew is a Russian mobster dealing drugs out of the club.  Soon Bobby will have to choose between his real family and the family he thinks he loves- the one that tolerates and supports his very indulgent lifestyle.

What emerges is an average cop drama with a fantastic performance by Joaquin.  Not all that happens makes sense, particularly during the car chase.  The ending seems a bit under-whelming as well.  The most interesting aspect of the movie was the family relationships as Bobby comes home seeking redemption.  Like Jesus’ story of the Prodigal, the ‘stay-at-home’ brother resents the welcome home the licentious brother receives.  Only time reveals Joseph’s true motivations for the “righteous” life he led.  Funny how we just can’t escape Christ’s teaching, no matter how hard we try.

The movie starts off with more Eva Mendes than I needed to see, and some topless dancers.  After about 5 minutes the nudity is done.  Being a crime drama, there is plenty of bad language.  Though there is plenty of action, it is not graphic- except for a fight in an apartment.

Unfortunately this movie has had much better competition in this genre (American Gangster, The Departed).  We Own the Night doesn’t own the genre, but makes a respectable showing.

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Considering Spiritual Delight and Danger

Ran across this in my reading this morning.  Great stuff!

“Ecstasy and delight are essential to the believer’s soul and they promote satisfaction.  We are not meant to live without spiritual exhilaration, and the Christian who goes a long time without the experience of heart warming will soon find himself to be tempted to have his emotions satisfied from earthly things and not, as he ought, from the Spirit of God.  The soul is so constituted that is craves fulfillment from things outside itself and will embrace earthly joys for satisfaction when it cannot reach spiritual one … The believer is in spiritual danger if he allows himself to go for any length of time without tasting the love of Christ and savoring the felt comforts of the Savior’s presence.  When Christ ceases to fill the heart with satisfaction, our souls will go in silent search of other lovers.”  Maurice Roberts, quoted in Instructing a Child’s Heart, from The Thought of God.

He says the same things as Thomas Chalmers in The Expulsive Power of a Greater Affection, but from a different angle.  Chalmers puts it in terms of sanctification- how we put our sinful desires to death.  Roberts puts it in terms of avoiding spiritual declension and danger.  One for growing in Christ, the other for maintaining spiritual vitality.  If we are not often pursuing our satisfaction, delight, in Christ, we will be in danger of seeking it in earthly things.

Think for a moment of how pervasive it is.  Many church-goers don’t really have a vital relationship with Christ.  It is more pragmatic than dynamic.  So they find themselves drinking from the cesspools of society- wrapped up in the pursuit of wealth, sensuality, power, entertainment etc.

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Considering Instructing My Kids’ Hearts

I’m currently working my way thru Instructing a Child’s Heart by Tedd & Margy Tripp in my free time.

So far it has been a good book to read: clear & convicting.  That’s why I wanted to read it- to become a more godly parent and learn to build what I never had as a child, a heart schooled in God’s ways.

They use Deuteronomy 6 as their foundational point, which is an important thing.  We must experience it if we are to truly pass it on to our kids.  But they bring other Scriptures into the discussion.

Essential to good, godly parenting is the recognition that the problem is not “out there”, but that our kids have sinful hearts that produce inordinate desires.  They are hardwired to respond to the temptations of the world and the devil.  They are hardwired for selfishness and lovelessness. I am to offer them the gospel, pray with and for them, instruct them in those opportune moments- addressing their hearts, not just their behavior.

“Scores of opportunities evaporate without notice as we hurry through our days thinking that devotional time with our children is enough.  Our responses to the circumstances and crises of everyday life make our theology real.”

What we do have to realize is that devotional times are good, but insufficient.  Our kids must also see us live our faith the rest of the day.  I try to do that- and sometimes I don’t and therefore instruct them with lies instead of truth.  They also remind me that during correction is not the time for formative instruction.  It just won’t sink in- they are too mad or sad to hear what you are saying.  Formative instruction occurs in the more regular moments, not the moments of heightened tension.  Sadly, like many people, I can prefer to relax and miss some of those great opportunities.

“Don’t talk to your children about that which you have spoken little with God.”

My wife is a great example of this.  Me?  Not so much.  It was convicting.  I can forget to pray about their stubbornness, self-centeredness, temper etc.  I really should be spending more time praying for the heart work to go along with the hard work of instruction.  It is the same for ministry- we must pray for the people, not just instruct the people.  So I find some crossover as I think about shepherding God’s people as well (just as I did with Shepherding a Child’s Heart).

So far it is great stuff to help you be a more godly parent in the hopes that God will use those means to change your kids’ hearts through the gospel.

I should say that I don’t agree with everything they write in either book. For instance, allowing a young child to choose clothes for the day does not necessarily teach them autonomy. There is a family context that allows children to grow in decision making in safe ways which can begin early. But these areas of disagreement do not undermine the main points they make.

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Considering My Princess & Warrior

Being a dad is a magnificent thing.  My little girl is growing up WAY too fast.  Soon I’ll have to get a 9mm and work on the “Application to Date CavGirl” form. 

She went to a friend’s birthday party this past weekend where they all dressed up like beautiful little girls and acted like models.  She wasn’t too sure about that lipstick.  But I think she had a great time despite having that stuff on her lips.  They forgot the sparkle and CavWife decided that with a long car ride home, it was best not to have it put on anyway.

CavWife forgot the camera, but did have the new cell phone which has a camera.  So I still got to see how she looked since I was home with the boy.  Suddenly she is more interested in dresses.  It fits, she’s a bit of a diva.

It is moments like this that she brings such joy to my heart.  She can be so full of life and creativity.  It is great!

Then there is my Warrior.  CavBoy is a complete hoot.  He’s finally climbing out of the crib (hey, he’s short for his age!).  We’ve begun potty training- which is a bit of a trip.  He’s doing fairly well.  He tells us when the poop is coming- we just need a bit more warning.  He’ll get it.

But I think he’s going to be an MMA star one of these days.  Wrestling seems to come naturally to him.  When you pick him up, he goes limp making it harder to maneuver him.  He has already learned that the head controls the body and will stiff arm you as you play on the floor.  He’ll also use his forearm to apply pressure in unpleasant places. 

Do Not Let the Shoes Fool You!

I’m not sure how he learned this.  It’s not like I’m watching it and he’s sitting with me.  Maybe it’s in his Chinese DNA.  Or my imagination.  He likes to roll around on the floor with his sister, and with me.  He tries to play with the dog, but he’s too old and arthritic.  Too bad he missed Huck’s salad days.  Huck would have been excited to have this guy to play with.

Yes, those are his ‘big boy undies’.  He still has trouble getting all the way up in front.  CavWife thinks it is hilarious.  I shake my head in shame.

CavWife has pushed me into going onto Facebook.  As a result, most of these things (family oriented things) will be there.  I think I can upload more photos more easily (thanks to the glitches in the laptop’s security system that makes life difficult).  You can find both of us on Facebook.  I really hope it doesn’t suck up all our free time.

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Considering CavWife’s Birthday

Today (Friday) was CavWife’s birthday.  We began the celebration last night.  (actually, we celebrate the whole month- she gets to choose any videos we rent, so it was a chick-flick fest last weekend)  We dropped the kids off at a friend’s and went out to Longhorn.  She must have been replaced by a pod because:

1. She ordered something new.
2. She ordered something more expensive than me.

She went for the Roasted Garlic Eye of Prime.  Yikes!  I got the Renegade, though Flo’s FIlet w/the peppered bacon was tempting.  But, if I went for that the hopes of having the gift card covering dessert would be hasta la vista.  We enjoyed not being interrupted by CavGirl.  I finished my meal (and plenty of bread), while she was true to form and had enough left over for another meal.  But she wanted to bring dessert home.  She wanted the Chocolate Stampede.  Apparently she didn’t realize it came with ice cream, and was very worried it would melt before we got home.

So, instead of taking advantage of the free babysitting and enjoying a stroll, or something, we went to pick up the kids.  They had not had dessert yet, so I got our dessert out of the car and discovered just how humongus this thing is.  Between the 2 of us and 3 kids there was only a little left for our friends.

Today I did most of the cooking.  She didn’t even want to think about what we were having.  For lunch I made some quesadillas w/mushrooms.  She loves those- especially when I toss in some fajita seasoning and chili powder.  CavGirl and I baked a chocolate fudge cake which I later frosted (chocolate cream cheese frosting- homemade).  It was a bit of a break in her traumatic morning.  She was being very selfish and had to be disciplined repeatedly- tainting her mother’s birthday.

For dinner I made one of my concoctions.  I cut up some chicken breasts, dipped the pieces in bread crumbs with pepper, paprika and garlic powder and then fried them in a skillet.  In another skillet I sauteed zucchini, mushrooms and spinach in olive oil, garlic and crushed red pepper.  I served that with angel hair pasta.  CavGirl ‘helped’ me- during which time we talked about how we need God’s forgivness, and his help to love one another.  During dinner I did a few renditions of “Happy Birthday”.  The kids really didn’t enjoy my opera version.  But they liked my hip-hop “Stop” and my rendition of the beginning of “Space Trucking.”  My one redeeming quality- I make them all laugh.

After dinner, we forgot to enjoy the cake.  The kids had some for their snack … but during dinner made a huge mess.  Lost in the shuffle.  She’d tasted some earlier- so she really did like it.  And our neighbors did too. 

I think she had a good birthday……..

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Considering Pastor Appreciation

This is Pastor Apprecation Month.  So, if you love your pastor- let him know.  I’m not currently pastoring a church- merely doing pulpit supply while I seek a new call.  But, I got a nice card the other day.

You both are a blessing and the message from God that you preached yesterday and other times truly blessed us.  Thank you!  You are using God’s gifts for good!  (I got a CD copy to use in discussion with friends.)  May God lift you up.

I needed that.  It has been a long, difficult path that we have walked this last few years.  We know we have so much to be thankful for.  But when you have to take your wife to dinner for her birthday with a gift card … you wonder why you’re doing what you’re doing.  Nice to know you are appreciated- and being used to further God’s kingdom.

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Considering Two of My Treasures

It’s been a difficult few days ’round here.  But we have two great gifts.

Saturday morning I spent some time with the kids sitting on my lap while I read a series of books to them.  It is one thing no one can take away.  Those great memories of great times with the kids.

Then we went to Spa Zechiel.  Just a friend with a pool, so the kids could float around.  Since I had gotten in the pool with them the night before at another friend’s, it was CavWife’s turn to play with them while I got to float free of responsibility.

Saturday night we took a long walk.  CavBoy is doing much better with the tricycle.  He was getting a big whiny while on our excuse for a hill, but he got to the top.

CavGirl had a difficult time falling to sleep.  Apparently she was sad.  She wanted to go to the park on Sunday.  I promised that if it didn’t rain, we would go after her nap while CavWife went to Wal-Mart.  Sure enough- no rain- and off to the park we went.  They both made progress.  She finally went down the corkscrew slide.  He did too!  All by himself which was amazing.  He also climbed up to the 2nd level by himself instead of using the steps.  He’s getting more daring- which I think this is great.  He’s been too timid to this point.  We went down by the lake and saw some turtle heads popping up through the surface of the lake.

After dinner, the kids went across the street.  Our neighbor’s driveway is at an incline.  They ride the tricycle, fire engine etc. up the driveway and then roll back down.  It was fun sitting there with the last of my beer watching them play like that.

I love those moments without the whining, crying and complaining.  I treasure these kids.

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Considering CavSon’s Baptism

My, he is a squirmy one!

It was long overdue.  This is what happens when you don’t have a call and you are a Presbyterian.  My membership is with my Presbytery, not a local church.  This complicated & delayed the process of baptizing CavSon.  [I have a few posts on the Reformed position on baptizing infants- not all views on infant baptism are the same.  I forgot to put a post up about mode of baptism.  This week, Lord willing.]

Amie has now joined the local PCA church in which we worship.  Yesterday morning we had him baptized.  Our friend Danny, who is the Associate Pastor, handled the explanation and vows.  I handled the squirming son, and the actual baptism.  It took quite some time as Danny kept losing his place due to the side show going on around him.  CavSon kept wanting to play with the ear piece from the wireless system I had on since I was preaching.

May blessings break upon his head.

He did much better when I actually poured water on his head.  He seemed to like that.  Of course, he had been working up a sweat.  Afterward he wanted to play with the rest of the water, which was not a surprise to either of us.  It was great for CavDaughter to watch this.  She was up there with us initially, but she was quite antsy too, so we had her sit with friends.  She’s on the video.  We talked with her a little bit about it the previous day or two.  She knows she has been baptized, and we should show her that video.  She’s fascinated by pictures of herself when she was a baby.

We received word while we were in Jacksonville that his new birth certificates had arrived at the lawyer’s office.  I picked them up this morning.  Now we can work toward his U.S. citizenship.  But he is now part of the visible church, which is great news in my book.  May his adoption into our family eventually result in his being adopted into God’s family.

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