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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

A Long Day, Period


This was one of the few good moments with the kids yesterday.  Tons o’ frustration.  Parenting challenges to be sure.  CavDaughter was quite melodramatic throughout the day.  Lots of whining, complaining, demanding and just plain ugliness from such a lovely girl. 

He was pretty whiny himself.  He was also in a rare mood, wanting to be in constant contact with us.  I couldn’t build a puzzle with her on the floor w/out him trying to climb all over me.  Trying to work on lunch or dinner and he was constantly climbing between my legs.  Same for when I was folding laundry.  He wanted me to pick him up and toss him around.  Suddenly he enjoys being tossed in the air.  He clings to my arm but squeals and giggles.  As a result, my back was flaring up.  As I try to work out the kinks on the floor … he (and the dog) are all over me.  When not getting what he wants …. obnoxiously whiny.

She stayed in her PJs the whole day.  They were hand-me-downs from a friend whose waist is a bit bigger.  So, without the diaper on, they were hanging off her bottom all day.  Yes, she had quite the case of plumber’s butt.  This was one of the few joys, trying to take pictures of the plumber’s butt, but she was not very cooperative.

We had a talk before she went to bed- tomorrow was going to be a new day and we expected a new attitude.  We got off to a great start- she wanted us to read her Bible to her at breakfast.  Then ……..

He played with his food until it all ended on the floor because he wanted bread, not the pears.  He got neither.  She wanted a piece of my bread, not her mother’s bread (impatience).  She threw her remaining piece of bread.  No more for her either.  It was time for discipline.  She wasn’t liking that!

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I confess I am guilty.  I often forget to get “permission” about using CavWife in a sermon illustration.  Usually she looks good in them.  But still …

 

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As you can imagine, I’ve gotten plenty of rejection letters in the last few years.  In fact I’ve gotten 3 this week.  Some of them have really annoyed me because they made some faulty assumptions about me, some of which were refuted in my resume & data form.

This one, however, made me laugh.  It was a nice way to deliver bad news.

re-miss  ri’mis- adjective

negligent, careless, or slow in performing one’s duty, business, etc.:  He’s terribly remiss in his work.

2. characterized by negligence or carelessness.

3. lacking force or energy; languid; sluggish [Origin: 1375-1425; late ME<L remissus (ptp. of remittere to send back, slacken, relax) see remit]

I am writing on behalf of our search committee and apologizing for my personal remiss behavior in not writing you sooner.

This really was a good way to communicate not so great news.  They obviously hadn’t read my advice to search committees and failed to keep people up to date (beyond the initial recognition of my application).  I’m glad they didn’t persist, but let me know their search is complete and God provided a godly pastor for them.

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CavSon had better get used to being confined, so to speak.  His surgery is next week.  His soft palate will be corrected in out patient surgery.  He has a high threshold for pain, but becomes VERY whiny when he sees a scab.  So it will be interesting to see how he responds.  We are not sure if he will need arm restraints yet.  After the surgery you really have to protect the palate, which means no sucking (which would be a new experience for him since he can’t really develop suction).  However, he is used to having much of his hand in his mouth.  You don’t want to risk damaging the palate with the fingers.

He will be on a soft food diet for 6 weeks.  He’ll love that too.  While CavDaughter enjoys cookies, chips etc.  he can’t.  I’m not looking forward to any tantrums that may produce since he won’t understand why he is being deprived of food he likes.

Another possible concern is reports we’ve heard from other families that sleep patterns are greatly disrupted.  He sleeps very well.  Actually, I figure that if the time change from China didn’t really disrupt his sleep schedule, this shouldn’t either.  But you can never know for sure.

I am reminded of Romans 8 which includes many incredible themes, including the adoption as sons of the elect, the groaning of creation and the sufficiency of grace in the midst of any circumstance.  Verses 28-29 pertain here.  These difficult circumstances of his (painful surgery) are being used to restore wholeness and health.  The surgeon is going to hurt him, but not harm him (at least that is the plan).  God often brings difficult circumstances, painful things, into our lives as part of the process of conforming us to the likeness of His Son that He might be the firstborn of many brothers.  The Father may ‘hurt’ His children, but the goal is to heal them, not hurt or destroy them. 

Until Tuesday we have to pray that he doesn’t become ill.  That would postpone the surgery.  He hasn’t been sick since we brought him home, so it would be odd if he became ill.  But, we specialize in odd around here.

Yes, CavWife loves the messy face pictures.  Perhaps you can join me in praying that she will be able to resist that temptation in the future.  Until then, enjoy.

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Considering April Fools Day


I had nothing to do with this prank on my friend.  But I wish I did.  It is pretty good.  His entire office was wrapped in aluminum foil.

He handled it pretty well.

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Just a bit o’ fun here.

Here are some other fun videos about church.

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Conan is owned by a Zen Buddhist priest in southern Japan.  He has taken to mimicking the priest.  He sits on his hind legs and puts his front paws on the altar.  Word has spread and people are flocking to see the dog.  It would be our version of the face of the Virgin in french toast, I guess.

Obviously my theology of prayer is quite a bit different than that of Zen Buddhism.  Cute, perhaps, but not praying.  Though I believe Jesus died, in part, to restore all of creation (the middle of Romans 8 ) I don’t think that extends to individual animals like it does to individual people.  CavDog won’t be in the New Jerusalem (Rev. 21-22).  And Conan isn’t praying.  God has placed people, His image bearers and representatives, to care for the animals like Conan.  So God meets Conan’s needs thru Joei Yoshikuni.

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Curious George Goes Camping is one of CavDaughter’s favorite books.  The other day I was in Wal-Mart and found A River Runs Through It in the 2 for $10 DVD bin.  I wanted to watch it again, and use it as a running illustration for my sermon on the 2 lost sons.  I was sorely tempted to buy another movie, but then a Curious George DVD caught my eye.  I thought it would be a great gift for the little girl.

This DVD was really old.  It was not animation, but the puppets.  The 2 stories were when Curious Georges came to America, and when he went to the hospital because he swallowed a puzzle piece.  CavDaughter and I were watching the DVD together.  A few things.

First, they really scared my daughter!  I’d never seen her upset like this watching Veggie Tales.  “Watch George almost drown!  See the water pouring out of his mouth when they pull him out of the ocean.”  Then you get to see George turn green after puffing on the Man in the Yellow Hat’s pipe.  She was nearly in tears wondering where the fire was when George called the fire department.  It was worse when the MitYH left George alone in the hospital and he was in bed crying.  I had to tell her that one of us would always be with her if she was in the hospital like George.  Let’s just say that George is going away for awhile, until she is not going to cry.

2nd, I couldn’t help noticing that the MitYH’s intonation reminded me greatly of George W. Bush.  And his “Aw, shucks” attitude.  I’m not anti-Bush (though there are some things  about which I wonder “what was he thinking”), but I could see him thinking he could capture terrorists and civilize them just like the MitYH tried to civilize George.  He had George in a toddler bed, in PJs (no diaper in sight), eating at the table with a spoon etc.  “Come here you cute little dictator.  I want to take you home with me.  It’ll be so much fun, and your antics will delight millions.  You are a good terrorist, and very curious about our infrastructure.”  I guess it will never be the same when I read the books.  Both CavDaughter and I have been tainted.

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… would you survive?

The number I could take in a fight,

25

I suppose I could be locked in a room with a kindergarten class and make it out alive, unless they were rabid beasts like the Dark Seekers.  Then I’m dead. 

You just never know….. but you might want to find out.

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Bath Time is Fun Time


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Bath time is one of the few times where there is little/no whining or complaining.  The kids love taking a bath and splashing around.  A little too much splashing at times.  CavDaughter is sporting her new “towel” from Nana.  I guess it is a bath towel wrap- it has a place to put your hands, and a hood.  Here you see the large flower petals.  Quite feminine.  CavSon has a blue teddy bear one.

Meal times are much better.  I think we didn’t have any tantrums today during meals.  He’s more consistent with saying “please” and more willing to allow the meal to end.  My “adoption diet” is pretty much over.  He is still eating lots of food, but not as much as when he first got here.  He’s got a little Bhudda belly.

He’s also showing great improvement when he wakes up.  He may cry for a moment, but is now okay with hanging out with a few toys until we come get him.  He’s not panicking anymore. 

Today was also his first haircut since he’s been here.  His hair was getting a little long in spots.  He has these tiny sideburns- quite funny.  But his hair seems to move toward the front of his head, which looks odd to me.  I thought he wouldn’t mind a haircut.  He was fascinated by the razor when CavWife cut my hair recently.  I thought this would be like “old home week”, and I was right.  He stood up and we gave him a crew cut.  He was wiggly at times because he has to be the most ticklish human being alive (he has taken the title away from me).  It was very cute, and we were done in 2-3 minutes.  With improved nutrition, his hair should thicken up.  It is quite thin at this point in time.

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This morning I took CavDaughter to breakfast for a special treat.  If you don’t like parenting stories… stop right here & head to the picture below!

She’s been “stuck” in potty training.  She exhibited a great reluctance to pooping in the potty.  To provide incentive CavWife once again volunteered me, this time to do a special dance just for her.  The girl didn’t want a dance, she wanted breakfast with me.  I was stunned.  I figured she’d want to be alone with her mom.  Nope… yours truly.

Yesterday I stayed home long enough to kiss the kids good morning and headed off to preach in Vero Beach.  My 2 Sundays there were great.  The people seemed very receptive to God’s Word.  When I got in the car to head home, I called home.  CavDaughter proudly announced that she’d pooped.  “You mean, in the potty?”  “Yeah”

To make this even stranger, she wanted to make sure I got to see it- as if it were some trophy or prize bass she’d caught.  So, after my nearly 2 hour drive which included a stop at Tijuana Flats to pick up lunch for CavWife & I, I got to examine the specimen.  ‘Nuff said.

So this morning was the big event.  We ended up at Denny’s to enjoy our breakfast together.  She’s getting to be such a big girl- quite mature in ways.  She’s growing up so fast, and apparently had a huge growth spurt so none of her shoes fit.

CavSon is doing well most of the time.  His tantrums wear us out, but I spent a whole 30 minutes with him yesterday due to responsibilities.  This morning after breakfast I watched both kids while CavWife went to the YMCA to teach aerobics.

Last week I started reading Paul Tripp’s A Quest for More: Living for Something Bigger than You.  It is a series of meditations on living for God’s kingdom, and how prone we are to live for the smaller kingdom of Me.  It has been great so far, and I will do a post on the book when I am done. 

Perhaps the first chapter will pique your interest, so you can read it here.  And the WTS site has a video of Paul talking about the book.  This got me to thinking about one of my upcoming sermons that I had no clue about.  I think I’ll do a mediation on “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness”.  This book, and idea, has a lot to say to us as we live between the advents of Jesus.  It should overflow into how we approach work, parenting, hobbies etc.  Much of it is stuff I’ve thought of, and communicated to others- but he has spent more time pondering it, and says it better than I am right now.  Unless something happens in the next 100 pages, I’ll strongly recommend the book- so you may want to get a head start!

Now I need to start getting on with my day!

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We’ve been putting the kids on a chair in the living room to discipline them when they are having crying/screaming fits.  CavSon was in rare form tonight, refusing to say “please” (he knows the sign for please).  It was a battle of the wills, and he was screaming pretty loudly.

It began when he wouldn’t ask for the seconds he wanted for dinner.  Instead of signing ‘please’, he pitched a fit.  After we took it to the chair he would not sign please to get down.

I asked CavWife if we should look on EBay for a cone of silence like Maxwell Smart used to have.  Of course, that didn’t work very well.  I’m sure technology has improved since then.

Anyway, he sat on that chair until bath time refusing to say “please”.  I’d ask him and he’d shake his head.  He is one stubborn cookie, and I’m in for trouble.  At least it provides an apt sermon illustration for this Sunday. 

Maybe a pina colada IV would do the trick.  I guess there might be some ethical/moral issues with that- but I’d certainly feel better in the short term.

Update:  Apparently they are releasing a new Get Smart movie this June starring Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway.  A type of Get Smart Begins, as Max is just an analyst when all of Control’s agents are compromised.  He is promoted to field agent under the guidance of the only agent whose identity is not compromised- Agent 99.  Could be great, or it could really stink.

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This is a KVJ-only pastor preaching on this phrase, and going to some strange places.  This is an example of how not to preach, or interpret & apply the Scriptures.  Sometimes I am just mystified by what people put up with, often because they have been kept (often unknowingly) in spiritual bondage to stuff like this.  But for the rest of us, it is pretty funny.

Guys, are you MEN or males?

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Among the various things scrolling one the news scenes in I am Legend was that the Patriots beat the Giants for the second time that season 23-7.  Hmmmm.  Of course the movie takes place in 2009, and I doubt the Knicks will be even remotely good then, or gas prices over $6.

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The title of the 22nd Bond movie was announced.  It will be …….. Quantum of Solace

Are you scratching your head too?  Not quite the catchy title is it.  Sounds like some boring art film about an intellectual who takes solace in physics or something.  It doesn’t sound like an action film about a spy seeking vengeance on the man who blackmailed his true love into betraying him, resulting in her own death.

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Considering Balls of Fury


We brought in the new year watching the mindless comedy Balls of Fury, and I laughed heartily.  I suppose if you are not familiar with some of the classic martial arts movies of the 70’s (particularly the Bruce Lee classic Enter the Dragon) and the show Kung Fu, you will be ‘lost’ and not find it particularly funny.

They take the major premise of those movies and switch the contest to ping pong.  The results are just stupidly funny, which was the objective I’m sure.  Here’s the goofy plot: Randy Daytona is a Def Leppard-loving teen competing in the 1988 Olympics when he meets disaster and drops out of competitive ping pong.  Fast-forward to the present when the FBI approaches him to penetrate a triad leader’s ping pong tournament.  The triad leader is the one who killed Randy’s dad.

But first he must regain form.  Enter the blind ping pong master played by James Hong to perfection.  He’s sort of a Master Po (Kung Fu) with a good-looking niece who plays some mean ping pong.  He makes the mistake of teaching a “round eye” and faces banishment from Chinatown.  This is basically stolen from the plot of Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story (Jason Scott Lee, who played Bruce Lee is also in this movie).  Randy must face the Dragon to vindicate his master.  It is here that Randy discovers real world of unsanctioned, underground ping pong.  It is here that he gains Feng’s attention, and an invite to the sudden death tournament.

Christopher Walken is at this zany best as Feng.  The story becomes increasingly absurd, and funny, filled with Walken’s deadpan delivery.  There is also a cameo by The King of Queens’ Spence (Patton Oswalt) as The Hammer.  This is lowball humor at its best, so to speak.  Some crude language, no nudity, and no point beyond having some laughs.  And sometimes you just need to laugh.

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While reading Crichton’s The Great Train Robbery, I was amused to discover the work conditions for the clerks of the bank which held the gold prior to shipment.  Here are the “Rules for Office Staff” posted in 1854:

1. Godliness, cleanliness and punctuality are the necessities of a good business.

2. The firm has reduced the working day to the hours from 8:30 am to 7 pm.

3. Daily prayers will be held each morning in the main office.  The clerical staff will be present.

4. Clothing will be of a sober nature.  The clerical staff will not disport themselves in a raiment of bright color.

(more…)

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Lately, I’ve seen this mini van driving around time with this on the back:  Time has an end- 2011.  I usually saw it in traffic, but today it was in the parking lot of Wal-Mart.  So I was able to get the web address.  Through Family Radio I was able to link to the Time Has An End site, which promotes Harold Campings new book on eschatology which asserts that time will end in 2011.

Not content with the fact that only the Father knows the established end, and thinking he can out-Whisenant Edgar Whisenant (he of the 88 Reasons the Rapture will be in 1988, followed by 89 Reasons the Rapture will be in 1989 both of which were obviously WRONG).  Actually, Camping has done this sort of thing before.  In 1992 he predicted the rapture would take place on September 27, 1994.  That qualifies him as…. a false prophet according to Scripture.  Can we stop doing this, please?!

Just for fun, the Rapture Index is currently at 159 (the record high is 182).

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I ran across this in the local mall today, it is a spin on monopoly (there are so many of those) called Brew-opoly.  You purchase different microbrews.  I noticed Magic Hat’s Fat Angel Ale on the cover (one of my personal favorites for when we head to NY, though for some reason stores don’t carry Fat Angel often).  Sounds a whole lot more interesting to me than old Atlantic City property.  Of course I haven’t played monopoly for years, and CavWife is not a board game person.  Well, a game person.  She’s not very competitive.

One of my birthday gifts from her arrived yesterday, and I am VERY excited.  It is Boston Red Sox: 100 Years of Baseball History.  It is about 210 minutes covering the history of the Boston Red Sox.  Soon I will begin the process of inculcating a love for the Red Sox into my daughter (actually she already loves them) and soon-to-be-adopted son.  I may devise a contraction similar to that used in A Clockwork Orange, except while forcing my wife to watch the DVD, I’ll give her chocolate so she will begin to have warm, fuzzy feeling for my hometown team.  It’ll be awesome, trust me. 

I’ll have to add NBA Dynasty Series: The Boston Celtics- the Complete History to my wish list.  It is a 4 disc package.

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This is a collection of things serious, and silly.

I’m thankful…

– for pre-approval for our adoption of ‘Eli’.

– for the surgery that has repaired ‘Eli’s’ cleft-lip (we aren’t sure about the palate).

– CavDaughter seems willing to share her parents with ‘Eli’ since he doesn’t have any.

– we are all healthy and have comfortable shelter over our heads.

– the choosing of the Father, the work of redemption by the Son, and its application by the Spirit.

– we don’t live someplace where there is already snow on the ground.

– I was able to wear shorts the last few days while doing yard-work.

– I purchased an aerator, saving myself over $100 since the nameless lawn treatment company wanted $135 to do it.

– my lawnmower works better after my neighbor worked on it.

(more…)

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