Today I have a guest blogger who asked to anonymously post some book reviews. Their family is going through some difficulties, and this helps them process what they are reading. Perhaps it will help you.
These posts will deal with an issue that is quite controversial today. There has been a shift in thinking on some of these things. Some of you may not agree, that’s okay. We live in a world marred by something the Bible calls sin, which means things aren’t as they ought to be. One can believe that a lifestyle is wrong, without hating a person who practices that lifestyle. Nothing here is conveys hatred or fear- but seeks to grapple with life in a world filled with sin and misery. With that being said- one to our guest post.
A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph & Linda Nicolosi was the first book I read, even before I found out my son was struggling with SSA [same sex attraction]. A friend of mine suggested it to me and deep in my heart I knew something was awry with my teenage son.
Joseph puts in a few case studies, which are very interesting, (sometimes I found myself nodding and saying “yes, that’s us!”), and a journal from a mother who is trying to help her young son on the road to healing.
There is plenty of debate in the mental health profession and homosexual community over whether being ‘gay’ is hereditary, chosen or not, can be changed or not. I’m here to tell you I believe having SSA is from a multitude of factors, which I will list later and can be ‘fixed’ or healed. That is to say that if the underlying problems or symptoms are addressed and the person affected does not want these feelings brought upon him he or she can get help.
Being homosexual, according to Joseph, is an identity problem, a gender identity problem within the family, of not being secure in one’s own gender.
In identifying GID [Gender-identity Disorder] there are usually 5 markers to determine whether the child has it. One being preference for anything of the opposite gender that being clothes, toys, sports, playmates, etc.
I can not stress enough and neither can any of the books I read that the same gender parent play a huge role in making and healing of the GID child. For boys, they need a father who is affectionate, hands-on in his life, affirming and loving. In most cases of SSA or GID, the fathers were non-existent either physically or emotionally. And the mothers were overbearing, protective and using the boy as a husband replacement.
[In our case, my sons father was in his life and always loving, affectionate and there for him. I, on the other hand, was and still am very overbearing, controlling and disrespected his father constantly. Sadly, there are no male figures in his immediate family my son wants to emulate.]
Boys have to be taught masculinity [by the father] and girls need to be taught femininity [by their mother]. Children need to be shown that being the gender they are is good and right and that they are special and loved being their gender.
There are plenty of other influences that shape a SSA child; family structure, sexual abuse, sensitive natures, harassment by others, poor body image, etc. Most of which I can not go into. Chapter 8 goes into the politics of treatment and how the world views define disability, treatment, gay and homosexuality.
This quote by A. Dean Byrd, PHD at the beginning of Chapter 9 ‘The Healing Process‘ hit so hard with me. I burst into tears reading it.
“Dads, hugs your sons. If you don’t, someday another man will.”
This chapter goes on to challenge the parents to affirm masculinity in their sons, to touch and be affectionate with their same-sex children. Many case examples follow and so does one mothers’ journal, struggling to help her son and help her husband to help their son.
This book is more for parents for young children who are struggling with identity, but can be read by parents like me, who have an older child and who want to get help or to see what may have caused SSA or GID.
I highly recommend this book. I am a Christian mom of a teenage boy who has conveyed to me he is having feelings of being gay. I do not believe people are born gay. I do not believe our God has made people gay. I believe a number of influences contribute to acting out of those feelings and desires. A desire to be loved by the same sex gender, a desire to have what the person lacks, perceived and/or real abuses and harms done to a person when young, certain personality traits, family dynamics and a persons plain old sin nature.
I’m reviewing a few other books bout this topic. Please come back and check them out. Please also, no negative/derogatory comments. Cavman is kind enough to put these on his blog to allow me to be anonymous and work out in writing my feelings after reading these books.
Just a reminder, this is a parent coming to gripes with their son’s homosexuality. Many parents in that position have many questions. While you may have different opinions on these answers, I ask that you respect her attempts to understand it. If you are homosexual, and don’t want to change, please understand that there are many who do. The goal isn’t to get in your face. You chose to read this, we didn’t force you to.
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