Considering Fans

I was biting my nails, metaphorically, during the final minutes of last night’s Celtics-Magic game 4 as it came down to the wire.  CavWife tried to tell me something, but I reminded her- last minute of an important playoff game.  Considering that we didn’t watch most of the game, I thought I wasn’t asking too much.

I was surprised that Paul Pierce didn’t force the last shot, choosing instead to pass off to Big Baby Davis, who was the only Celtic to hit a FG in the last 6 minutes of game time.  He drained it, and in his exuberance raced down the sideline, bumping into a ref, and then into a young courtside fan who was close to the action.

I hope I am never this kind of parent:

Orlando Magic fan Ernest Provetti, whose son, 12-year-old Nicholas, was nearly run over by Glen Davis after his buzzer-beating, game-winning shot last night, is demanding an apology from the Celtics forward.

According to a report at Orlando Sentinel.com, Provetti sent an e-mail to the NBA League office this morning, saying that Davis crossed the line and embarrassed his son. Provetti said his son had to dive into his courtside seat to get out of the way, though that does not appear to be the case in the video.

In the e-mail, Provetti said Davis conducted himself like a “raging animal with no regard for fans’ personal safety.”

In a telephone interview with the Sentinel, Provetti said, “How do you like to be a 12-year-old and see a raging lunatic coming at you?”

He said noted that Davis should never have been so close to the fans in the front row.

Apparently this man has never seen an NBA.  It’s the NBA: Stuff Happens, including players diving for balls, and celebrating significant last-second victories.

But, this man’s son is embarrassed.  CavWife notes that is a common emotion for 12 year-olds.  This adult is trying to teach his son the wrong lesson.  The world will not bend to our embarrassment, it does not revolve around us.  Yet, this guy is trying to make it all about his son.  E-mails to the NBA office?  Demands????

Nor is an excited, happy, delighted man who accomplishes something he has yet to do qualify as a “raving lunatic.”  I suspect he has the wrong “raving lunatic”.  This parent is the one acting irrationally.  Davis was not angry, violent or dangerous.  No harm was intended to his son- even embarrassment.

When you sit courtside, the action may get a bit too close for comfort.  If you can’t handle that- don’t sit there and put your son “at risk”.  But a good parent will teach his son to enjoy the game, remember that the unexpected can happen, and that you’re on national TV so don’t sweat it.  Teach him to have fun rather than be self-conscious.  Teach him to calcuate risk and act accordingly.  In short- teach him about being a man.

Oh, and may the media should pursue such silly stories….

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Considering Desires in Conflict

Here is another guest post on the subject of homosexuality.  This time my friend reviews  Desires in Conflict, Hope for Men Who struggle with Sexual Identity by Joe Dallas.

The updated version of this book was written in 1991 but the message stands true still. As the subtitle states, the book gives hope for men who struggle with sexual identity. If you are not one of those men, then this book is not for you.

Joe Dallas [click for his counseling website] also wrote When Homosexuality Hits Home, What to Do when a Loved One says They’re Gay. This book offers up step-by-step advice on how to deal with the emotions family members deal with when they learn of a loved ones homosexuality.

But back to Desires in Conflict. Joe Dallas tells his story, guides men on what to expect when dealing with their particular issues.

“Homosexuality is no different. Like all sinful tendencies, homosexual attractions need not rule you or continue to be a predominant force in your life. Specifically, you can expect change to occur in one or all of four ways.”

Here is the list:

1. Change in behavior

2. Change in the frequency of homosexual attractions

3. Change in intensity of homosexual attractions

4. Change in perspective

Nowhere do we see in that list that homosexual attraction disappears.

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Considering A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality

Today I have a guest blogger who asked to anonymously post some book reviews.  Their family is going through some difficulties, and this helps them process what they are reading.  Perhaps it will help you.

These posts will deal with an issue that is quite controversial today.  There has been a shift in thinking on some of these things.  Some of you may not agree, that’s okay.  We live in a world marred by something the Bible calls sin, which means things aren’t as they ought to be.  One can believe that a lifestyle is wrong, without hating a person who practices that lifestyle.  Nothing here is conveys hatred or fear- but seeks to grapple with life in a world filled with sin and misery.  With that being said- one to our guest post.

A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph & Linda Nicolosi was the first book I read, even before I found out my son was struggling with SSA [same sex attraction]. A friend of mine suggested it to me and deep in my heart I knew something was awry with my teenage son.
Joseph puts in a few case studies, which are very interesting, (sometimes I found myself nodding and saying “yes, that’s us!”), and a journal from a mother who is trying to help her young son on the road to healing.
There is plenty of debate in the mental health profession and homosexual community over whether being ‘gay’ is hereditary, chosen or not, can be changed or not. I’m here to tell you I believe having SSA is from a multitude of factors, which I will list later and can be ‘fixed’ or healed. That is to say that if the underlying problems or symptoms are addressed and the person affected does not want these feelings brought upon him he or she can get help.
Being homosexual, according to Joseph, is an identity problem, a gender identity problem within the family, of not being secure in one’s own gender.
In identifying GID [Gender-identity Disorder] there are usually 5 markers to determine whether the child has it. One being preference for anything of the opposite gender that being clothes, toys, sports, playmates, etc.
I can not stress enough and neither can any of the books I read that the same gender parent play a huge role in making and healing of the GID child. For boys, they need a father who is affectionate, hands-on in his life, affirming and loving. In most cases of SSA or GID, the fathers were non-existent either physically or emotionally. And the mothers were overbearing, protective and using the boy as a husband replacement.
[In our case, my sons father was in his life and always loving, affectionate and there for him. I, on the other hand, was and still am very overbearing, controlling and disrespected his father constantly. Sadly, there are no male figures in his immediate family my son wants to emulate.]
Boys have to be taught masculinity [by the father] and girls need to be taught femininity [by their mother]. Children need to be shown that being the gender they are is good and right and that they are special and loved being their gender.
There are plenty of other influences that shape a SSA child; family structure, sexual abuse, sensitive natures, harassment by others, poor body image, etc. Most of which I can not go into. Chapter 8 goes into the politics of treatment and how the world views define disability, treatment, gay and homosexuality.
This quote by A. Dean Byrd, PHD at the beginning of Chapter 9 ‘The Healing Process‘ hit so hard with me. I burst into tears reading it.
“Dads, hugs your sons. If you don’t, someday another man will.”
This chapter goes on to challenge the parents to affirm masculinity in their sons, to touch and be affectionate with their same-sex children. Many case examples follow and so does one mothers’ journal, struggling to help her son and help her husband to help their son.
This book is more for parents for young children who are struggling with identity, but can be read by parents like me, who have an older child and who want to get help or to see what may have caused SSA or GID.
I highly recommend this book. I am a Christian mom of a teenage boy who has conveyed to me he is having feelings of being gay. I do not believe people are born gay. I do not believe our God has made people gay. I believe a number of influences contribute to acting out of those feelings and desires. A desire to be loved by the same sex gender, a desire to have what the person lacks, perceived and/or real abuses and harms done to a person when young, certain personality traits, family dynamics and a persons plain old sin nature.
I’m reviewing a few other books bout this topic. Please come back and check them out. Please also, no negative/derogatory comments. Cavman is kind enough to put these on his blog to allow me to be anonymous and work out in writing my feelings after reading these books.

Just a reminder, this is a parent coming to gripes with their son’s homosexuality.  Many parents in that position have many questions.  While you may have different opinions on these answers, I ask that you respect her attempts to understand it.  If you are homosexual, and don’t want to change, please understand that there are many who do.  The goal isn’t to get in your face.  You chose to read this, we didn’t force you to.

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Considering Our Flight to NY

Everything seemed to get off to a good start.  We went to bed at a reasonable hour, mostly packed and oatmeal soaking for a quick breakfast for the kids.  We’d be getting them up a little early, not way before the crack of dawn like on other trips, to get on the road to the airport by 7:30.  This would give up plenty of time to get to OIA in time for our 10:05 flight to Albany.  But you know what they say about the “best laid plans of mice and men.”

It broke down near the end of my shower.  CavWife went to get the kids up.  CavBoy had peed so much it soaked through his diaper, PJs (which we were hoping to have him wear on the flight) and into his sheets.  So CavWife was involved with stripping his bed and sent him into a still-dripping dad to strip him down and put him on the potty.

This was the morning that he decided he had to poop first thing.  And it took time as the minutes quickly went by.  Suddenly I heard CavGirl screaming from the kitchen.  To help avoid illness being passed around the plane, we gave the kids Airborne.  CavWife mistakenly put it in CavGirl’s water bottle.  So, it fizzed away building up pressure until CavGirl opened it.  It erupted, spraying  our very dramatic/traumatic daughter.  So much for not having to change her clothes…

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CavSon Update

Not the soft food diet!

Yes, some info on CavSon.  I only said “most”, not “all”, of the CavFamily updates would be on my Facebook page.  This one will be in both places.

We have noticed the fistula in CavSon’s hard palate (anterior) getting bigger.  More food has been stuck up there (easily removed though).  Last week the raman noodles I made with our stirfry were hanging out of his nose.  Yeah, that is very exciting to behold.

With our deductible paid, and the fact that we have no spare money lying around in the mattress, we realized that IF he needed another surgery, it would be best to have it done before the end of the year.  We pushed up his follow-up visit, and the surgeon quickly determined that another surgery was called for.  The tissue in his mouth has had time to heal since his surgery in April. 

With a trip to NY planned for mid-December, the surgery will take place before Thanksgiving.  If you can remember, that means a long night of not sleeping in the hospital.  So excited about that.  Nor am I looking forward to comforting him in the recovery room again.  It won’t be as bad this time since it is only a palate revision- instead of a palate reconstruction and lip revision like last time.  But still, it will be tough on the little guy.

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Considering Instructing a Child’s Heart

I was not raised in a family that understood the gospel and raised children with a God-ward orientation or focused on our hearts.  As I seek to raise the 2 little lives (with more to come?) He has placed in my care, I recognize I need help.  I found Shepherding a Child’s Heart to be helpful.  So when Ted & Margy Tripp released Instructing a Child’s Heart, I believed it would be helpful for me.

I was not wrong.  Unlike the previous book, which focused on corrective discipline, this book focused on formative instruction-

“Formative instruction gives children principles and absolutes by which to live- hooks to hang life on.”

They address 5 goals for formative instruction, and the call to formative instruction from Deuteronomy 6, communicating formative instruction, and topics including authority, sowing & reaping, a vision for God’s glory, the importance of the church and ultimately the centrality of the gospel.  The book is humbling, as I reckon with how often I fail as a parent (therefore the gospel is for me too!).

This is a very good book, but not a perfect book.  There are statements they make that I would disagree with, as in Shepherding a Child’s Heart.  One of those was in the chapter on authority.  There is much in that chapter that is good, true and right.  But not this:

There is a popular method of child management that powerfully illustrates my point.  “Honey, you can wear the red shirt, the green shirt, or the blue shirt.  It’s up to you.”

It does not occur to a three-year-old that there are more than three shirts in the closet.  He makes his choice.  Mother is indifferent to which shirt the child chooses.  All are equally appropriate.  On the surface it seems like a win, win.  The child feels like he is a decision-maker, mother gets him to wear something appropriate, and there is no fight.  What could be better than that?

While all that sounds very good and quite enlightened, in reality the subtext for the child is, “You are the decision-maker here.  You have the right to choose.  I may suggest the various alternatives, but it is your right to choose.”

As made in God’s image, our children need to learn to choose wisely.  There is no magical age at which this happens.  We are to teach them how to make decisions while under authority.  The parent here sets the proper boundaries, and provides some freedom.  My 3-year-old knows she has more than 3 shirts in her closet.  My child is not my slave, though she is my responsibility.  I must teach her about living under authority- but an authority that loves and nurtures her (and him), not one that will squelch.  Refusing to teach them to make decisions within boundaries, in my opinion, gives them an unhealthy view of authority.  Obviously the Tripps disagree with me.

You don’t have to agree with every jot and tittle to find a book helpful.  I still found it very helpful, and CavWife plans on reading it too.  Some of what was helpful was the discussions about how we tend to reinforce our children’s idols, as well as the culture’s and our own as parents.  Part of good, godly parenting is to turn from our own idols, helping them to see their own idols and to lay hold of Christ instead.  The gospel is not a parenting add-on, but at the very core of parenting.

Paul found joy in the gospel and never moved beyond the gospel because he knew the gospel was the power of God for salvation- including everything fron initial calling by grace, to justification, to ultimate glorification.  We never move beyond the centrality of the gospel.

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Considering Spiritual Delight and Danger

Ran across this in my reading this morning.  Great stuff!

“Ecstasy and delight are essential to the believer’s soul and they promote satisfaction.  We are not meant to live without spiritual exhilaration, and the Christian who goes a long time without the experience of heart warming will soon find himself to be tempted to have his emotions satisfied from earthly things and not, as he ought, from the Spirit of God.  The soul is so constituted that is craves fulfillment from things outside itself and will embrace earthly joys for satisfaction when it cannot reach spiritual one … The believer is in spiritual danger if he allows himself to go for any length of time without tasting the love of Christ and savoring the felt comforts of the Savior’s presence.  When Christ ceases to fill the heart with satisfaction, our souls will go in silent search of other lovers.”  Maurice Roberts, quoted in Instructing a Child’s Heart, from The Thought of God.

He says the same things as Thomas Chalmers in The Expulsive Power of a Greater Affection, but from a different angle.  Chalmers puts it in terms of sanctification- how we put our sinful desires to death.  Roberts puts it in terms of avoiding spiritual declension and danger.  One for growing in Christ, the other for maintaining spiritual vitality.  If we are not often pursuing our satisfaction, delight, in Christ, we will be in danger of seeking it in earthly things.

Think for a moment of how pervasive it is.  Many church-goers don’t really have a vital relationship with Christ.  It is more pragmatic than dynamic.  So they find themselves drinking from the cesspools of society- wrapped up in the pursuit of wealth, sensuality, power, entertainment etc.

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Considering Instructing My Kids’ Hearts

I’m currently working my way thru Instructing a Child’s Heart by Tedd & Margy Tripp in my free time.

So far it has been a good book to read: clear & convicting.  That’s why I wanted to read it- to become a more godly parent and learn to build what I never had as a child, a heart schooled in God’s ways.

They use Deuteronomy 6 as their foundational point, which is an important thing.  We must experience it if we are to truly pass it on to our kids.  But they bring other Scriptures into the discussion.

Essential to good, godly parenting is the recognition that the problem is not “out there”, but that our kids have sinful hearts that produce inordinate desires.  They are hardwired to respond to the temptations of the world and the devil.  They are hardwired for selfishness and lovelessness. I am to offer them the gospel, pray with and for them, instruct them in those opportune moments- addressing their hearts, not just their behavior.

“Scores of opportunities evaporate without notice as we hurry through our days thinking that devotional time with our children is enough.  Our responses to the circumstances and crises of everyday life make our theology real.”

What we do have to realize is that devotional times are good, but insufficient.  Our kids must also see us live our faith the rest of the day.  I try to do that- and sometimes I don’t and therefore instruct them with lies instead of truth.  They also remind me that during correction is not the time for formative instruction.  It just won’t sink in- they are too mad or sad to hear what you are saying.  Formative instruction occurs in the more regular moments, not the moments of heightened tension.  Sadly, like many people, I can prefer to relax and miss some of those great opportunities.

“Don’t talk to your children about that which you have spoken little with God.”

My wife is a great example of this.  Me?  Not so much.  It was convicting.  I can forget to pray about their stubbornness, self-centeredness, temper etc.  I really should be spending more time praying for the heart work to go along with the hard work of instruction.  It is the same for ministry- we must pray for the people, not just instruct the people.  So I find some crossover as I think about shepherding God’s people as well (just as I did with Shepherding a Child’s Heart).

So far it is great stuff to help you be a more godly parent in the hopes that God will use those means to change your kids’ hearts through the gospel.

I should say that I don’t agree with everything they write in either book. For instance, allowing a young child to choose clothes for the day does not necessarily teach them autonomy. There is a family context that allows children to grow in decision making in safe ways which can begin early. But these areas of disagreement do not undermine the main points they make.

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Considering My Princess & Warrior

Being a dad is a magnificent thing.  My little girl is growing up WAY too fast.  Soon I’ll have to get a 9mm and work on the “Application to Date CavGirl” form. 

She went to a friend’s birthday party this past weekend where they all dressed up like beautiful little girls and acted like models.  She wasn’t too sure about that lipstick.  But I think she had a great time despite having that stuff on her lips.  They forgot the sparkle and CavWife decided that with a long car ride home, it was best not to have it put on anyway.

CavWife forgot the camera, but did have the new cell phone which has a camera.  So I still got to see how she looked since I was home with the boy.  Suddenly she is more interested in dresses.  It fits, she’s a bit of a diva.

It is moments like this that she brings such joy to my heart.  She can be so full of life and creativity.  It is great!

Then there is my Warrior.  CavBoy is a complete hoot.  He’s finally climbing out of the crib (hey, he’s short for his age!).  We’ve begun potty training- which is a bit of a trip.  He’s doing fairly well.  He tells us when the poop is coming- we just need a bit more warning.  He’ll get it.

But I think he’s going to be an MMA star one of these days.  Wrestling seems to come naturally to him.  When you pick him up, he goes limp making it harder to maneuver him.  He has already learned that the head controls the body and will stiff arm you as you play on the floor.  He’ll also use his forearm to apply pressure in unpleasant places. 

Do Not Let the Shoes Fool You!

I’m not sure how he learned this.  It’s not like I’m watching it and he’s sitting with me.  Maybe it’s in his Chinese DNA.  Or my imagination.  He likes to roll around on the floor with his sister, and with me.  He tries to play with the dog, but he’s too old and arthritic.  Too bad he missed Huck’s salad days.  Huck would have been excited to have this guy to play with.

Yes, those are his ‘big boy undies’.  He still has trouble getting all the way up in front.  CavWife thinks it is hilarious.  I shake my head in shame.

CavWife has pushed me into going onto Facebook.  As a result, most of these things (family oriented things) will be there.  I think I can upload more photos more easily (thanks to the glitches in the laptop’s security system that makes life difficult).  You can find both of us on Facebook.  I really hope it doesn’t suck up all our free time.

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Considering the Kids’ Progress

I am amazed sometimes at how fast these kids are growing up.  Last night CavGirl had a tough time going to sleep so we were talking in her room.  I told her how I was happy & sad that she was growing up.  Happy because she is supposed to grow up and become more independent.  Sad because she’ll leave home one day.  She didn’t like that- she wanted to stay with mom & dad.

This morning she asked if people died.  I told her that they do, and proceeded to give her an age appropriate gospel message that fit the context.

Here are some the recent milestones for the kids-

CavGirl

• She now is able to keep a swing going, but hasn’t learned how to start herself.
• She is potty trained during the day.  She is no longer holding on to the poop until she’s in a diaper.  Still not ready to ditch the diapers at night.

CavBoy

• He can now peddle the tricycle.  He no longer does the Fred Flinstone imitation.  He needs his shoes on to reach the peddles properly, and is still figuring out the whole steering with the handle bar not his feet thing.
• He now makes noises while playing with cars, trucks and trains.  He needed to be near his cousins to hear them play.
• He was doing better trying to speak, but the last few days he’s been on strike.
• He’s back to sleeping through the night w/out me having to go in 2-3 times to give him water or soothe him.  Yes!  I was starting to feel like the mother of a newborn.

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Vacation- Week 1

It is hard to believe it is Saturday.  Life has slowed down tremendously since we hopped on that plane Tues. morning.  The big rush to de-clutter the house was done.  We were packed and gone.

Since then I’ve been doing some reading.  That has been hard for me lately.  I’ve had trouble concentrating.  There were far too many things going on, and I deperately needed a change of scenery- and weather.  I got both.  So my concentration has returned.  As you may have noticed, I read Brian McLaren’s A New Kind of Christian.  Dr. Nicole taught me to read those I don’t agree with (or other ivew points) so I can see their own arguments first hand lest someone mischaracterize them.  Glad I read it, and I still disagree with him.

In addition to starting to read Job, I’m reading Sinclair Ferguson’s book on Ruth, Faithful God.  It is really good.  As someone who is going through a difficult time, I need that reminder that God’s plan is not always evident until it has completely unfolded.  And that might be long after you’re gone.

It’s not all serious- I’m reading a Dean Koontz novel I picked off the bookshelf here.

I’ve been helping my brother-in-law get the website ready for his business.  I’ll also be helping to get their financial system integrated on the software.  My sister-in-law has too much going on the learn the system and get it all integrated herself.  Since the guys at Riedinger & Sons are heading off to Mississippi for a missions trip today, I’ll be able to work on this with no new invoices etc. 

The weather has been quite varied.  Plenty of sun, and plenty of rain too.  The tempuratures are mostly in the 60’s-70’s.  A very nice  change of pace allowing me to sit outside and read.  Sadly, no cigars to enjoy outside.  But my sister-in-law provided me with some Smithwick’s Irish Ale as a treat.  Quite nice.

I helped my other brother-in-law work on his new house today.  I was priming the dry wall in a few closets.  And tonight I’m cooking some Cajun Back Ribs.

I know some of you are more concerned about the kids.  They are having a blast.  CavGirl loves coming here and playing with her cousins.  It is the first time CavBoy has come to the Farm.  He might be feeling a bit left behind as she goes on adventures with her cousins.  But he’s getting more adventurous.  Both are playing long and hard, so naps and night time have been met with quickly nodding off to sleep.  Parenting has required less time and energy.

I got some great pictures of the humming birds.  At one point there were 5 vying for the feeder.  I couldn’t get the beautiful finch.  He was too skittish when I came near with the camera.  That and the territorial battle he was engaged in with another bird.  I don’t have the right software here, so posting any of them will have to wait.

I was disappointed to discover that my capo and picks were not in the guitar case where I thought I left them.  This greatly reduces what I can do with old vacation guitar while I’m up here.

Well, a beautiful sunny afternoon is calling my name.

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Ready to Catch that Plane

The kids have been playing “going to the Farm” and “riding on the airplane.”  I think they are ready to head north, away from the heat and humidity to spend time with grandparents and cousins galore.

I know I need a change of scenery.  I’ll continue my “search for work” while I’m up there.  It would be great to have an offer on the house and a job close to in hand by the time we return.  I should spend some time working for my brother-in-law, so I’m not sure how often I post while we are gone.  Oh, and I do need to spend time with CavWife and CavKids!

I will be preaching at the small church nearby while we’re up there.  The pastor will be taking a trip himself.  I’m undecided as to which sermon to offer.

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Considering Our Strange Little Life

There has been plenty going on to occupy the CavFamily.  For one thing, we have put our home on the market.  We did this to preserve our equity since the prices are only going down, and we probably won’t get this much for at least a few years.  We hope to be moving elsewhere soon.  If I receive a new call, we’ll have a headstart on selling the house.

This means lots of work.  We have been “de-cluttering”, which mostly means packing up unnecessary items to create the perception of more space in the home.  The real estate agent is hopeful; our home is priced competetively and the market for smaller homes is better than for larger homes.  I got plenty of work done Friday and Saturday- to which CavGirl commented “You’re a workhorse, daddy.”  She picked this phrase up from Jon & Kate Plus 8.   The excess stuff is gone and the home is ready for the virtual tour photos.

With a vacation coming up, we also had to “de-dog” the home.  He is a shedding machine.  As a result, the prospect of asking our neighbors to not only let him out, but being able to vacuum the home on a moment’s notice if an agent wants to show it and how he might respond to strangers means he needs to go on vacation.  Just not with us.  Former neighbors agreed to watch him while we are away.  But, they now live a few hours away.  So, on a trip to visit family they stopped by last night to pick him up.  CavGirl was not quite down with that.  Tired and hungry, she had a mini-meltdown because the dog is gone, temporarily.

It was a good thing the dog is gone.  Shortly after putting the kids to bed, CavWife realized it was getting warm in the house.  The A/C was not working, period.  Not even the fan or heat.  I think the lightening storm must of wiped out the thermostat and a nearby fan used to create white noise for sleeping children.  It was a long, warm, sticky night in the house.  We had some doors and windows open.  No telling how the dog would react to the various noises and critters outside.  I didn’t get much sleep, crashing in the living room since it had better airflow.  Thankfully, the forecast says that it is only supposed to get to around 88 today.  Much better than 95+.  But I passed on the shower in the hopes that the A/C guy has it up and running around lunch time.  Then I take CavBoy to his re-evaluation for his hearing.  They wanted to see how the better tubes affected his hearing.

Saturday was a long, tiring day.  We had the joy of going to another wedding.  We sat with a friend and her 3 year-old.  CavGirl, CavBoy and their friend had too much fun.  We should have gotten a babysitter since I got so stressed out at the noise and endless questions.  I found them a huge distraction but the people around us didn’t seem too put off.  At the reception, I was able to spend time with a guy I rented a room from while getting my 2nd degree from RTS.  He also rented a room to the groom.  Like CavSon, he was born with a cleft-plate, so we spent time comparing notes as it were.

We left the reception around 2, after CavBoy’s diaper seems to have sprung a leak.  Too much to drink for that boy.  So we had to slip out the back quietly.  He crashed on the short ride home, but CavGirl was another story.  Her whining was a preview for the evening.  All my parenting tricks failed.  Nothing seemed to get through to her and grew increasingly exasperated.  It was a good prelude to my sermon on Sunday on how God loves us enough to discipline us.

This morning, our speech therapist called to say he wasn’t coming.  We requested a new speech therapist, but wanted the transition to take place when we went on vacation.  He decided “what’s the point”- ah, our son’s well-being…  We don’t want him to go 5 weeks without speech therapy.  This therapist seems to have little experience with cleft-palate kids (though he talked like an expert).  His recommendations were about 180 degrees different from everyone else’s.  He also refused to take his personal history as a recently adopted kid into account and determined his progress in 4 sessions was insignificant.  I’m not sure why he was informed of this change now, but I’m not liking how he bailed on CavSon today.  So now we are looking for a new therapist with experience working cleft-palate kids locally.  As if we didn’t have enough happening.

So, I have now escaped to my ‘office’ for cooler air and a quiet atmosphere.  Much needed for my sanity.  My stay here will be much too short.

Update: The A/C repair cost about $160.  It didn’t look good at first, but it turned out that the transformer and relay had been blown out by a power surge.  Had it taken a direct hit by lightening, the whole shebang would have to be repaired costing about $1,600.  So we are thankful!

CavSon’s hearing exam came back as borderline normal, which is great news.  He’s had a rough day since he didn’t sleep well.  He was crying most of the way home, even when I held his hand he was not comforted.  Not the best thing for my shoulder.

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Considering Fathers

Braveheart is one of my favorite movies.  Mel Gibson was on a great run there for awhile.  It is a movie about the value and price for freedom, and it is a stirring film (historical inaccuracies aside).

But what is often missed is the important roles fathers (and father figures) play in the lives of the characters.  It may come across to some as simplistic but the men with the bravest hearts were raised by brave men.  The cowardly, self-serving men were raised by overbearing, abusive fathers.  Fathers play an important role in shaping the lives of sons into young men.  That role can’t be overstated.

So let’s take some peeks into this story and see the impact of fathers on sons.

Braveheart opens with a young William Wallace watching his father, Malcolm, preparing to go into battle.  His older brother is also joining his father.

•  
  • William: I’m going with you?
  • Malcolm: A good help ye be too.
  • William: I can fight.
  • Malcolm: I know you can fight.  (pause) But it’s our wits that make us men.

His father does not mock him, but affirms him.  But in the process teaches him that there is more to being a man than fighting.  And more to fighting than mere strength and skill.  William must still learn to use his wits to be a man.  It appears as though he has the right father to teach him, but tragedy strikes.  I wonder if it was this broken heart that made him so pliable.

Into this void steps his Uncle Argylle.  He isn’t quite sure about Argylle at first, but soon learns that he is in good hands.

“You don’t speak Latin?  Well, that’s something we’ll have to remedy, isn’t it?”

His uncle does not belittle him, but sees this as an indication that young William can and will learn.  Together they will address this lack of knowledge.  William is not alone, but his uncle will stand with him and teach him what he lacks.

“It was the same for me and your father when our daddy died.  First learn to use this (points to his head), then I’ll teach you how to use this.”

Uncle Argylle is one who has trod the path that lies before William.  He and his brother lost their father.  He puts the priority on using his head so that he will not only use his weapons skillfully but wisely.

But Malcom does not disappear from the film.  He shows up in a dream to offer direction  to his son.

“Your heart is free; have the courage to follow it.”

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Considering the Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”  With nothing to lose but a morning in which I had no plans, I decided to give it the ol’ college try.  This time we went to the right theater and saw yesterday’s intended film- The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything.

Before I get to the movie, I have a few considerations.  This theater did not have stadium seating.  This made it a bit difficult for CavGirl to see over the seat in front of her.  I later noticed some people had booster seats.  I suppose that also would have helped the seat to stay down.  When you are only 30 lbs, and all of that is at the back of the seat … you will have issues.  This go around, there were far more younger children and babies.  This meant it was noisier, and there were more distractions as well since CavGirl loves to watch babies.  I had to answer the same 2 questions about pacifiers about a dozen times.

From CavGirl’s perspective, this movie was too scary.  She really didn’t like the villain, seen here.  That did prompt a few moments of “Dad-time” as she sat in my lap and hid her face in my chest, blanket covering her face.

It was not a fun as most Veggie Tale shows, and even Jonah.  She asked if we could leave about 3-4 times.  We didn’t.

The story was like the biblical story of Esther in that God was not explicitly mentioned, but worked behind the scenes to accomplish the deliverance of the prince and princess (unless the father, the good King with the evil usurper-wanna-be brother, is the metaphor for God).  I explained to her that life has moments when we are very afraid, but that is when we need to be brave until God saves us.  God will always save us, but sometimes life gets scary.  In the movie they also talked about tests, which reveal what is most important to us.

So, this wasn’t Big Idea’s best effort.  It was, as usual, mostly moralistic.  It was mildly enjoyable for me, and too scary for her.  At least there were no farting & pooping chipmunks, or barely clad dancers.  So, it had that going for it.  In terms of influences:

1. There was a tip o’ the hat to O, Brother, Where Art Thou? with the blind prophet speaking to 3 friends about to embark on a voyage in which one of them will regain his family’s respect.  This, of course, is one of my favorite movies.
2. The song and dance at the pirate tavern was quite reminiscent of the Camelot scene in Holy Grail.  Yes, another of my favorite movies, and an old standby for Veggie Tales.
3. The evil pirate was a pea who had a mechanical body, reminding me of Darth Vader.
4. The scene when the King gives them medals was a tip to Star Wars: A New Hope.  They just lacked a howling Wookie.  Yes, another one of my favorite movies.
5. The B-52s, whose cult-fav Rock Lobster was redone as Rock Monster.
6. Steve Taylor who appeared with the Newsboys for a song (I think that was the song).  I recognized his lyrical style and thought the voice sounded familiar.  He’s listed as a composer and performer on the soundtrack CD, but I’m not 100% certain of the song.

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Considering Her First Movie

CavGirl and I had a date this morning.  The local theaters run older kids movies a few mornings each week during the summer.  They are free since they expect you to spend money on concessions.  It works out well for everyone.  We were supposed to see this:

I double-checked the time and theater with my friend.  He was taking his daughter too.  Somehow wires got crossed because The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anythingwas not playing at that movie theater, and my friend was nowhere to be found.  It was at this moment that I was glad I didn’t tell CavGirl she’d see her friend this morning.  I was tempted to go home.

But my mind went back to the night before when I told her we were going on a date.  She was excited about the idea of going to the movie.  She wanted to bring Addison, her favorite doll.  She wanted to bring him in the stroller.  We compromised … ‘yes’ to Addison and ‘no’ to the stroller.  She was already disappointed, I didn’t want to completely disappoint her.

So … we saw this.  Yes, Alvin and the Chipmunks.  It was okay, aside from some words I was not excited about my daughter hearing.  Like “sucks” for instance- even though they used it to mean “awful”.  The scatological humor was something else I could do without.  The singers & dancers who joined them on stage were not exactly kid appropriate either.

But, she enjoyed her first taste of movie theater popcorn.  And she savored the Sprite that came with it in the kids combo.  She did really well for the first time in a movie theater.  She didn’t get restless until the last 10-15 minutes.

This may sound strange to some of you.  We know people who have been bringing their kids to the movies since they were a year old.  You might call us “old fashioned” since she’s 3 1/2 and has never gone to a movie.  Others might call us progressive because we took such a young child to the movies.

I thought she was old enough to enjoy it.  And I thought it was Veggie Tales.  Yes on the first, and no on the second.  But I had a good time watching a movie with my little girl- even if it was Alvin and the Chipmunks.

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Considering a Morning at the Playground

While CavWife helped a friend pack for a cross-town move into their new home, I took the kids to the playground.  I hadn’t been there with them since March or April.  I was joyfully amazed at the progress CavGirl has made.  He was climbing the various ladders, without help, and going down the slides alone.  She even had me teach her how to climb the “rock” wall.  She did pretty well for a first timer.

CavSon did okay.  He’s still not excited about slides or swings.  They’ll grow on him.

They both enjoyed the deck that goes over the lake.  We saw plenty of fishes among the junk that had been tossed in.  You can’t swim at the beach anymore.  It is covered over with weeds on land and in the water.  Probably too hard to keep the gators away.  The beach was probably victim of a previous budget crunch.

The victims of the next budget crunch were sitting there the entire time we were there.  There were 3 emplyees from Leisure Services sitting, talking and reading.  Their job would be to play with neighborhood kids.  But there were no kids there.  Which is unfortunate- it was an overcast day so it wasn’t mind-numbingly hot, and we saw a bunch of kids down the street.

CavGirl has experienced a number of falls off her bike lately.  Tumbles in general.  She’s got a cut on her big toe that keeps opening up.  She did a good job banging up a finger.  She rides too fast and tries to turn.  We are still working on actually stopping to look both ways before entering the road.

She is currently engrossed in Jon & Kate Plus 8 while CavWife taught aerobics.  She loves watching all the kids.  She just calls it watching the kids.  We now have a video tape dedicated to the show.

His speech therapy is going okay.  He’s trying.  He can make the ‘p’ sound, but has not yet integrated it into actual words.  But the therapist isn’t happy.  He disagrees with the surgeon regarding the need to repair the fistula.  We have decided: 1. he has little experience with cleft palate kids, 2. he is not taking CavSon’s speech in context (here 6 months, this is his 2nd language, undergoing major surgery…).  So, when we return from vacation, we should have a new speech therapist to work with him.

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Considering Parenting Headaches

It has been a strange few days.  With no response from the local job market, I’m spending too much time at home.  Strange things happen when daddy’s home so much.

Recently CavGirl has decided she wants to poop on the potty.  We had been making no headway on this agenda, and she had previously announced she’d start to do it when we went to the Farm (her grandparents).  She had apparently changed her mind.  This is a good thing in the overall scheme.  But as those who’ve been through it (rather than letting child care take care of it) it has its moments.  She’s only had one accident, usually going prior to naps or bedtime.  She is still using a diaper at night.  Except 2 nights ago… she decided to go her own version of commando.  I don’t know what we were thinking- we probably weren’t since we were stunned by the announcement.  This ended with her crying out in the middle of the night quite wet.

Last night was another go.  We had a plan.  In addition to the plastic undies, we would wake her up periodically to have her go pee.  I was sent off to grab some ice cream, arriving home to her in the potty.  Every few minutes she was going back to the potty, and doing business.  Like 5 times.  No, she was not sick.  I don’t know where it all came from, but we alternated going in to help her wipe.  It was getting downright wearisome.  We couldn’t relax!  And in between she had 500 comments and questions (God has given her 100,000 words a day).  Finally she announces she wants a diaper.  Whew!  No additional wake ups (CavBoy is worth 2-3 per night for water).

Today I mowed our neighbor’s lawn (since they are away) and our own.  It was probably about 90 degrees when all was said and done.  I was dripping wet, hot and not wanting to be bothered.  Our neighbor has a pool and we are free to use it.  But I was hoping CavWife would take the kids shopping.  She, of course, didn’ want to go with the kids.  The compromise … we’d go in the pool now and she’d shop while the kids napped.

At some point, a friend’s pre-teen son seems to have told CavGirl that the pool vacuum will swallow you.  Since our neighbor is away, the vacuum is in the pool.  She is utterly terrified, afraid it will swallow us up.  We show her that it will not hurt us.  Still crying.  Occasionally screaming.  CavBoy is happily puttering around in his little float, grasping CavWife’s hand.  The Girl continues to be traumatized- afraid for all of our lives.  Our relaxing dip in the pool is anything but.  After 45 minutes of evidence that no one has been swallowed by the pool vacuum, she tentatively enters the water.  Who knew raising a child would have such irrational, irritating moments?!  Was I like this?

Then there are the odd conversations I have with her.  He only has 6 words, so there are no conversations.  I asked her the other day about why she was angry.  She’d been having a few rough days.  I let her know that she was teaching her brother to do wrong.  “I want to teach him to do wrong.”  Ah … her depravity rears its cute little head.  We talked some more about that.  I apologized for the times I shouldn’t be angry, that I’ve taught her to do wrong.  Our anger doesn’t help us live in a way that pleases God and helps others.  We need to pray for Jesus’ help when we are angry and shouldn’t be.

Then there was the pool side conversation today after CavWife took CavBoy home to start lunch.  “Do you like me?” she asked.  “I like you, and I love you.  Sometimes I don’t like the things you do.”  “I like you, Daddy.”  Despite the ways we disrupt her life with discipline, she thinks we are “good helpers”.   She told CavWife that “God gave us a great mommy and daddy.”  I guess we are doing something right, even in the midst of our frustration and confusion.

One last conversation.  I was reading some of Dr. Roger Nicole’s Our Sovereign Savior at breakfast.  I pointed to his picture and told her “This was one of my teachers.  He is a very nice man, and very smart.”  Her response, “Do you hug and kiss him?”  Slight pause.  “No, I don’t kiss him.”

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Adoption: 6 Month Post-Placement

Although it has only been just over 5 months since CavWife brought CavBoy home from China, we just had our 6 month post-placement appointment with the social worker. It was a good time to remember how far he has come, and how far we have come as a family.
The first month was incredibly difficult on the whole family as he adjusted to everything and we adjusted to him. As I type, the kids are playing “going to the wedding”, a result of going to “Uncle” Morgan’s wedding last weekend. They packed their bags for the hotel room. The 2 of them usually play very well together as CavGirl revels in being the ring leader, I mean older sister. She has all the makings of a Red Leader 1.
Last night on the short ride home from a friend’s they were serenading us from the back seat. It was mostly nonsense. Last weekend, CavGirl was shouting song lyrics like “your love is better than life” (Newsboys) and “I am a friend of God” (from a worship CD CavWife plays often). CavBoy can’t quite do that yet, so it is interesting to hear them ‘sing’ together like some childish opera in a strange tongue.
CavBoy has grown 2 1/2 inches and gained 4 pounds in his 5+ months with us. This despite his liquid diet post-surgery. This is still a fistula in his palate which the surgeon thinks isn’t a major problem, but the speech therapist thinks is. They can duke it out … the surgeon is one of the most respected surgeons for this in Orlando so what do I know.
Speech therapy is going slowly. But this morning he was doing more of the noises in Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?. That is good news. He’s starting to try, which is a start. It takes him time to start trying something- climbing into his car seat, into his booster seat for meals, etc. I realized the other day that I tended to pull him out of his car seat. I thought, “Dude, the kid can climb out on his own!” and now he does. Now, if he can just start using those expulsive consonants…
That is the main area of improvement- trying things. He still seems overwhelmed with new experiences (he was utterly traumatized by the merry go round at Cypress Gardens) and places. But he’s beginning to try more things like climbing up a playset and going down the slide last night.
Another area of improvement is handling his anger. He had horrible tantrums at first. But his trantrums are now pretty sedate for a 2 year-old. We are so thankful since those tantrums made meal time in particular quite difficult. Now meal time is stressful because it takes forever for him to eat as he plays and procrastinates. At least he isn’t eating us out of house and home anymore (that’s now CavGirl’s job).
We have some concerns about his hearing. He tested with some minor hearing loss, but that might have been related to the fluid in his ear. The ear, throat & nose specialist wants to put in larger tubes. These tubes would not fall out, but would have to be removed. However, they should aid in relieving pressure on his ear drum and preserve his hearing (but probably not his singing).
When I think of all the doctor’s appointments and bills I can become overwhelmed at times. But I wouldn’t trade the time and money back. He’s our son and an important part of our family. The boy stays!

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Considering How to Love My Family

9 Mark Ministries compiled some ways for pastors to better love their wives (we’re talking a plurality of pastors, not polygamy) and kids.  Some of them are very good.  Some make me wonder “how?”  I’ll put my comments, silly and otherwise in brackets and in red.  Since they are compiled, there are some that sound inconsistent, go with it … they are suggestions.

IN RELATION TO YOUR FAMILY…

1. Take the initiative and establish a plan for family worship. Then follow the plan! (Don Whitney encourages “brevity, regularity, and flexibility” in family worship.)
2. Come home at the exact time you say you will be home; and prepare your heart to serve your family, not be served.  [this is very difficult to do regularly, at least for me.  there is that sinful sense of entitlement that plagues me when I return home, I want to rest not parent/husband.  i need grace.]
3. Take responsibility for your children’s education and discipline—don’t leave it to your wife to figure out.
4. Share with your wife and kids some of the good things that are going on in the church, and then thank them for helping to make that possible.
5. Use every hour of your vacation time. And take a vacation that does not involve extended family; restrict it to just your wife and kids.  [All of our vacations have involved extended family.  We can’t afford to go anywhere else- I’m a pastor!]
6. Take a two week vacation.  [this is wise, i’ve heard it takes about 10 days for you to actually begin to relax.  our 3 week summer vacations, though with extended family, were very relaxing.  if you go  to vacationing spots, it is hard to relax since you are going to theme parks and events.]
7. Diligently guard your days off.  [lay leaders love this, not!  it can quickly breed a sense of envy on their part, or assuming you think you’re better than them or special.  you have to work had to communicate this priority well.  but if you’re guarding your days off, they should be able to guard theirs from church business, so maybe they really feel convicted of their lack of attentiveness to their families.  who knows, but it can get messy, folks.]
8. There are times when it seems like you have to choose whether to be a good dad/husband or a good pastor. Good pastors choose to be good dad/husbands.  [What makes this difficult is the success-driven culture of many of our churches.  They want you to be a successful dad, not necessarily a loving & involved dad.  Loving involvement will mean less time to building the empire.  I know building my relationship with my daughter ‘cost’ the church some of my time/energy that might have resulted in a different outcome for the congregation- and my family.]IN RELATION TO YOUR WIFE…
9. Get up early and have your quiet time, so that you can take the kids in the morning while your wife has her quiet time.  [she’s up way before the rest of us, so this is a moot point for me.]
10. Give her flowers and a hand written card when she least expects it.

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