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Posts Tagged ‘redemptive relationships’


Side by Side: Walking with Others in Wisdom and Love Welch, Edward T. cover imageWhen we think about ministry to one another we probably think of Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands. There is a new book to consider in training people to be involved in people’s lives. Side By Side: Walking with Others in Wisdom and Love by Edward Welch.

Side By Side is shorter and less technical. It is less structured around counseling. It is about being a friend and being able to talk about the big or important things in life.

It is structured around need. The first part is We Are Needy, and the second part is We Are Needed. Each of us will gravitate to one of those two sections. We tend to be aware either of our needs or others needs. Truth is we are needy and we are also needed.

Welch begins with the fact that life is hard. He helps us to know (or remember) that our needs are of different kinds. Life is hard in God’s kingdom (while we are still on earth), our work, our relationship and our bodies. At the center of it all is our heart which interacts with the hardness of life. Scripture indicates that our hearts are busy places. The heart produces both good and bad desires (due to our regeneration). Our hard circumstances intersect with our busy hearts.

One persistent problem, though hardly the only one, is sin. Sin and temptation plague us. We tend to hide our sin. We’ll talk with people about our suffering (we love to complain) but struggle to talk to people about our sin. As he will say in the second part, this is often the last thing we talk about. But that I mean we need to develop sufficient trust and intimacy.

This means we need help from the Lord. We need to pray, asking for grace, and exercise trust. We need to read the Word to hear God’s promises and warnings. We also need help from others, at least one other. They can speak those promises and warnings to us. They can hold our hand and weep with us as necessary.

“The goal is to become transparent and humble friends who are at ease with our neediness.”

As we become engaged in one another’s lives through mutual care the church moves forward. Welch reminds us that we have the Spirit to empower us in this mutual ministry. We don’t engage in this alone.

God moved toward us in our sin and misery. As we become like Him thru the gospel we begin to move toward others in their sin and misery. Moving toward them we begin to have thoughtful conversations. We don’t force them to open up, but display honest interest in them. It is basically just beginning a relationship and slowly deepening that relationship. This includes seeing the good in them, and enjoying them. This is done as we share stories, the stories that shaped us. Perhaps we ask some questions about those stories to understand more about how they responded or felt.

As the relationship deepens, you express compassion in trouble. Your theology of suffering will affect how you express compassion. One expression of compassion is prayer. We help one another become aware of Satan’s devices. Eventually you should be talking about sin and helping each other. These are two of the longer chapters.

Though we talk about our stories, Welch reminds us to connect them to the Story. Effective mutual ministry reconnects people to the Story. This means we need to know the Bible’s story line.

Caring for One Another: 8 Ways to Cultivate Meaningful Relationships By Edward T. Welch cover imageHow’s that for a brief summary of a brief book? Welch also has Caring for One Another which examines the material covered in the second section in a study guide.

I plan to use this book in my re-formatted officer training class. I want our officers to grow in mutual ministry so our members can begin to grow in mutual ministry. I want our officers to practice and model ministry to one another.

Unlike Instruments, this is not a long and complex book. Welch keeps it very simple so any church member can develop these mutual care relationships. To develop a good working knowledge of Scripture to address this sin & suffering you may want to add Mike Emlet’s Cross Talk: Where Life and Scripture Meet. Ed Welch gives us a great place to start.

 

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In the fourth section of A Proverbs-Driven Life author Anthony Selvaggio addresses friends.  Proverbs has much to say about friends and their influence upon our lives (and us upon them as well).

Most of us have had a sketchy track record with friends.  I know I did before I became a Christian.  I lived in a normal middle-class suburban neighborhood, but found that many of my friends were a less than positive influence me.  We found opportunities to sin, sometimes just for the hell of it (to paraphrase Augustine).

Yet I remember disconnecting myself from one important relationship over the issue of drugs.  I tried pot, but decided that was not how I wanted to live (praise God for common grace).  It cost me a friendship.  But now I can see the toll drugs took on his life.  I made a wise choice.  But I made so many poor ones too- choices that would plague me for years.

Yes, we need God to give us wisdom about friends.  Selvaggio summarizes it as “a Proverbs-driven life knows that friendship is intended to be redemptive.”  He and I share a love for The Lord of the Rings, and one of the main themes in that book is friendship.  He focuses on Sam and Frodo, but you also see the ties between Aragorn, Legolas & Gimli as well as Merry and Pippen.

Friends, as Selvaggio notes, are hard to gain and even harder to keep.

“We so readily sin against one another, take offense where none was intended, or permit neglect to creep in.  Left to ourselves, it can be difficult to know what words and deeds will strengthen and maintain our most vital relationships.”

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