Considering Practicing Affirmation

Our personal history can help us, or hinder us.  I don’t recall my childhood being one filled with affirmation and praise.  I seem quite capable of affirming the kids, but struggle at times when I need to affirm adults.  I’m not sure why that is.  Perhaps because they don’t often learn new things, and much of my affirming the kids comes as they gain new skills.

Many kids today are growing up in an era of “fake affirmation”.  They are affirmed so much for so many things they probably wonder if they can do any wrong.  Maybe I had a graduation ceremony for elementary.  I can’t remember.  But today every little milestone is celebrated so that those that actually have meaning have their meaning minimized.

So there are two errors that can take place: the neglect and over-use of affirmation.  One aspect of over-use is the man-centered aspect of affirmation.  It is into this context that Sam Crabtree has written his long-needed book Practicing Affirmation.  He believes that Christians should practice commending others to the glory of God.   In other words, we commend them for character, attitudes and actions that reflect the character, attitudes and actions of God.  As a result, we are praising God as we commend them.  This keeps us from what he calls idolatrous commendation, and failing to commend (just as sinful as the other extreme).

This is a fairly short book that seeks to facilitate the practice of affirmation.  It is not just defending the practice, though he does do that.  And there are some questions or arguments he spends more time on.  For instance, he spends much time refuting the argument that non-Christians should not be commended.  He rightly asserts that such a conclusion neglects two very important biblical truths.  First, as James 3 notes, people still bear God’s image.  Though unregenerate, non-Christians still bear some testimony to the God whose image they reflect.  Second, due to common grace even non-Christians can grow in relative character and act in ways that are commendable.

Sam’s heart is revealed, in part, by putting this at times in the context of evangelism.  He has a heart for the lost.  Such God-centered affirmation is part of the winsomeness we should display as we make the Good News known.  Their relative goodness cannot save them.  But it is there because God put it there.  We should be thankful for it (since it makes our society and cultural more bearable) and commend it.  They have plenty of sin to repent of, but God has also done good through them despite themselves.

“Our failure to affirm others is not rooted in them, but in us.  So ask God for personal transformation, including the development of things like greater alertness, greater humility, and greater gratefulness.”

Sam also puts our affirmation of fellow Christians into proper context.  While regular affirmation is essential to hearing correction, we can try to use affirmation to “soften” people up for it.  They soon learn we have an agenda and tune us out.  He wants us to both affirm and correct well, but as he notes this book is about affirmation.  I hope to see his book on God-centered correction in the future.

Sam practices affirmation in the course of the book.  He affirms some commendable statements by Joyce Meyer, who is not known for commendable statements in our circles.  Quoting her took me by surprise.  A qualification would have stolen the impact of the positive quote.

His book has enough theology to make his points.  His focus is more practical, and in this he is helpful.  There is a chapter on questions he has often received and the answers for them.  One of the questions was very bizarre (If I want Satan to listen to me when I wish he would leave me alone… ).  At times, he is repetitive.  But I think this book will be helpful for people like me who struggle with regularly affirming others.  It will also help those whose affirmation of others has an idolatrous or insincere quality to it.  I wish I had been able to read this book years ago.