In my review of Out of a Far Country, I mentioned the chapter on Holy Sexuality as being the most clearly articulated statement in the book about how we ought to live. There are many good statements there. But I also want to set a larger framework for understanding holy sexuality.
As a result of Adam’s sin, we are all born as sinners and under the curse (Romans 5). There are numerous implications to this reality. One of the basic ones that most everyone overlooks is that everyone’s sexuality has been affected. We are broken sexually. That brokenness differs in degree, but all of us are broken. This means that we do not use our sexuality in a way that reflects God’s glory and fulfills His purpose for our sexuality. Sexual orientation is a more serious manifestation of brokenness, but even those who don’t struggle in this way are broken.
One of the more helpful aspects of Reformed Theology that is often overlooked, is that all our actual transgressions flow out of the corruption imputed to us in Adam. We are sinners, and so we sin. Out of our sexual brokenness we begin to sin sexually. Additionally, we are sinned against sexually. Both of these include the breaking of boundaries. Once you do something (or have it done to you), you cannot undo it. It is nearly impossible to walk back through that door as if nothing happened. You often get lost there because your nerve endings may experience pleasure- even in the midst of abuse.
When I was in elementary school, one friend’s father had Playboy magazines in the basement. Some of us would go over there in the afternoons to look at them. We crossed a boundary that could never be uncrossed. You go farther down the rabbit hole. An indelible hole is left on your soul. I still have mental pictures of some of what I saw. There are a number of boundaries regarding pornography as one descends more deeply into bondage. From Playboy you can move to Penthouse, which has men in the pictures too. The arousal at women can become confused in young minds in hearts. There are boundaries that include depiction of sex acts, bestiality (or weirder), gay sex, rape and torture etc. Each boundary moves the heart farther from God, and increases our brokenness.
For instance, one day I showed up at that friend’s home. He and another friend from the neighborhood had already been looking at the magazines. But their pants were down and they were experimenting. They wanted me to try too. I was at a crossroads of sorts. Thankfully I’ll never know what would happen if I’d joined them. I grew uncomfortable and began to distance myself from them. I don’t know what became of them, though there were rumors in high school that one of them was homosexual (these were often unfounded in that day). But since the initial arousal was from pictures of naked women, I could see a confused experimentation.
That confused experimentation crosses boundaries and confuses the young heart even more. I can look back in my life and see boundaries I could have crossed, but didn’t. To cross them may have brought some measure of pleasure, but would have introduced greater misery into my life long term. There were other boundaries I did cross, that deepened my sexual brokenness and made life far more difficult for me. The justifying grace of God deals with the guilt of them, but the sanctifying grace of God (often) takes years to deal with restoration of our sexuality.
Each of us lives with our own unique set of boundary crossing experiences (whether willingly or unwillingly). The process of sanctification can look a little different as a result. We will live our own set of weaknesses and proclivities and temptations. But the goal is ultimately the same- holy sexuality.
Christopher Yuan came to this conclusion as he read Scripture. The Bible deals with acts, not really orientation. Romans 1 does deal with what could be considered orientation, and it sets this as a result of our exchanging the truth of God for a lie. It is a function of humanity’s rebellion against God. This often results in many a sexual sin.
Christopher moved away from seeing his sexual orientation as the core of his identity. This is one of the problems of our culture and the discussion of homosexuality. People often make it EVERYTHING. They give it great power to determine many aspects of their lives that have nothing to do with their sexuality- directly anyway. Your sexual orientation is an important part of who you are, but not the most important part. It should not be the defining factor of your life. Christopher realized that while his old identity outside of Christ was “homosexual” his new identity in Christ was “son of God” clothed in Christ. In other words, Christ began to control his choices, not his sexual orientation. While his orientation may never change, whether or not he was obedient could change due to the grace of God.
“So, when I realized that heterosexuality should not be my goal, it was so freeing.”
Many mistakenly think this is the goal. Some people do change their orientation. But whether or not it does change is essentially irrelevant. Don’t get me wrong. People of any and all sexual orientations sin sexually. Having the right orientation does not make one righteous. It is not the measure of sanctification either. Bringing our sexuality under God’s rule is the measure of sanctification.
3For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. 7For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. 1 Thessalonians 4
We see here that we are to abstain from sexual immorality whether that is homosexual acts, adultery, fornication, pornography etc. Each of us is to learn to control our own body. We will still have sexual longings and desires, but we don’t act on them unless within the proper context which is marriage (between a man and a woman as taught in Genesis 2, and affirmed by Jesus and Paul). Within marriage there is to be fidelity. Outside of marriage there is to be abstinence.
The world thinks this impossible. I’ve talked to such people. They are slaves to their sexual desire. When I worked at a rescue mission they couldn’t grasp the fact that I didn’t see a prostitute to gratify my desires. This was commonplace for them and their peers. It is taught as unrealistic, without any recognition of the damage crossing boundaries does.
Jesus lived such a life. If he experienced all temptations common to man he experienced sexual temptation. He resisted it as he resisted all temptation. By the work of the indwelling Spirit, we can also begin to put such temptation to death and walk in obedience regardless of one’s orientation. A homosexual should act like a heterosexual single person and abstain from sex. If we think we can’t live without something, we should see this as evidence we are in bondage to an idol. And this should cause us to cry out to Christ to deliver us. He alone can bring us home from the far country we find ourselves in.
Brilliantly stated, Steve!
Dear Cavman,
Why do you base your post on the assumption that there is something wrong with being homosexual?
Have you ever considered that homosexuals might surround themselves with other gays, in order to protect themselves from constant persecution?
According to your argument, heterosexuals make their sexuality their lives. Your whole life is based around your sexuality. Your friends are all heterosexual, you spend most of your free time with your partner, who is heterosexual. You raise your kids on the assumption that they are heterosexual. How is this any different from a gay person, who might associate with mainly gays? By default her or his partner is of the same sex and many friends, though not all, will be gay as well. This is not the same as focusing on sex or sexuality. It is merely surrounding oneself with people one can relate to.
Thank you in advance for listening.
Kind regards,
Jennifer
Jennifer,
There are couple of things. Thanks for the question btw.
First, my assumption is rooted in 2 things as a Christian. One is called general revelation, or creation which available to all. Heterosexuality is necessary for the propagation of any species. If you are an evolutionist you have to conclude this is correct since homosexuality is not able to self-propagate. Right? No species is homosexual. Where homosexuality occurs, it is an aberration, that represents an incredibly small portion of the animal population.
My second source is special revelation, or the Scriptures, which tell me it is a departure from God’s intention in making us male and female.
I spend the vast majority of my time with heterosexuals because the vast majority of people (90% conservatively and possibly 97%) are heterosexual. I know some homosexuals (but no longer live near them). If I were to spend my time, and only have friends that represent 3-7 % of the population, that would not be considered normal but biased and prejudicial.
While some cultures persecute homosexuals, in this country I don’t see it. Yes, there are acts of violence against homosexuals, but these are aberrations as well. We have a culture that overwhelmingly tolerates homosexuality, is considering gay marriage (with some states already legally permitting it), benefits for homosexual partners etc. People who beat or kill homosexuals should be punished because they attack people. My point is that we should not compare them to a persecuted minority like the Copts in Egypt who cling together over a legitimate fear for their lives. That argument made sense many years ago, but not so much now.