Considering Sexual Chaos, Part 1

There has been lots of sex talk by pastors lately, and a lot of push back from other pastors and lay people. This whole thing has produced lots of heat, and not nearly as much light. Some of it simply reeks of sensationalism, like Ed Young’s bed on a roof stunt. Some of it has been pastors trying to pastor their people.

The push back is that pastors shouldn’t talk about sex, or write about sex. And I’ve seen quite a few people say Mark Driscoll is obsessed with sex. I don’t remember any push back to Lauren Winners’ book about sex, Real Sex. Any any number of Christian therapists’ books about sex. Perhaps it is that people just expect pastors to say “don’t do it”. They are uncomfortable with pastors, who speak to mixed audiences, talking about it positively beyond “it’s okay if you are married”. But there is no reason that pastors need to surrender this topic to counselors. But, let’s slow down.

In my advanced years, I’m less reactionary. So I’ve been pondering this. I want to explore a few things. First, why pastors need to talk about sex. Second, how should pastors talk about sex. And lastly, how pastors should help their people think thru sex. I’m anticipating three posts on this. I’m sure to offend someone. That is not my intention. I’m going to try to bring my experience as a pastor who does some counseling (yes, I have an MA in Counseling) to bear on this.

Why Pastors Need to Talk About Sex

I don’t want to make the case that all pastors MUST talk about sex. But some of them must. Just because you, as a pastor, or your pastor doesn’t talk about sex does not mean that no pastors should talk about sex.

First of all, the Bible talks about sex. A lot! If I spent the time adding up the references, I’m sure there would be far more mentions of sex than hell. It would probably be about the same amount of references to money. Sex and money are 2 of our favorite idols. If the Bible spends so much time talking about sex, both positively and negatively, we should spend some time talking about it, both positively and negatively.

The Book of Proverbs, for instance, talks about sex often. It was a book of wisdom to instruct young men (teenagers) about life. Sex is a big part of life. There is a book of the Bible that is largely about sex. No, not Leviticus. The Song of Songs, is about the positive side of sex. It is a love song, that has lots of sexual imagery in it.

Secondly, many who come to faith after their teen years enter the church with lots of sexual baggage. Do you want to know why Mark Driscoll seems to talk about sex so much? There are thousands of converts who need to sort things out sexually. It would take a team of counselors far too long to meet with couples and individuals. He, and others like him, can be meeting pastoral needs.

"I have sinned!"

If a pastor is always going on about sexual sin, it may indicate that he has a problem with sexual sin. That isn’t just true for sexual sin. Sometimes we end up preaching to ourselves more than to the congregation. Although, many in the congregation may have the same struggle.

But new converts need positive instruction and correction. They have gone from a “if it feels good, do it” way of life to suddenly having to think about their sexual activity from God’s perspective.

I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s. Life was very different then. It was more difficult to be exposed to pornography. You often had to look for it. You had to buy it, or “borrow” it from an unwitting adult. Today, kids can surf there way to find all kinds of things I never knew existed. They live in the post-Clinton era where oral sex  is seemingly an ordinary experience. They are encouraged to experiment with alternative sexual experiences. These people come with baggage, and lots of questions. Consider what Paul says in Romans 1.

²¹ For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. … ²⁴ Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, … ²⁶ For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; ²⁷ and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. … God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done.

We will address this text again in another post. But see how turning from the truth resulted in darkened thinking, darker passions and shameless acts. One of the most popular books among women right now, yes women, is Fifty Shades of Grey. It is about a relationship a young women has with an older man that centers around bondage. That they are intrigued by this is a reflection of that darkened understanding and being given over to dishonorable passions. It is a “mommy porn” sensation. We live in a culture filled with sexual chaos.

Some pastors don’t have to address these things. I find I have to talk about pornography and fornication periodically. But my congregation does not have the same type of sexual issues, or the magnitude, that a church like Mars Hill does. If the conservative pastors who criticize him about this don’t have to address these issues, they can’t really understand the need to honestly grapple with these issues.

While sex should not be public, we don’t have to pretend that it doesn’t exist. Pastors need to address it when the biblical texts do, or when need indicates they find a text that does. I preach thru books of the Bible. I have to address it when the text does. I can’t just skim over that because there is a teenager in the room. I often let parent’s know if such a text is coming up. I’m still traumatized by the time I preached on Exodus 19. It seemed like I read “emission of semen” about 500 times. When recently preaching on the rape of Dinah, I warned a few people I knew had been assaulted. It was not going to be an easy sermon. But I got lots of positive feedback for how I handled that very difficult text. Parents can decide if there kids should be there.

But pastors can’t play “cut and paste” with the Bible like they are Thomas Jefferson. Instead of removing miracles, we can’t remove references to sex. They are there precisely because God knows we need to hear them. We need instruction, correction, rebuke and training in that part of our lives too.

Pastors are commissioned to preach the whole counsel of God, not just the parts they like or feel comfortable with. How we do that is another matter, and another topic (wait for part 2). Pastors cannot let the “sex professionals” handle this topic. They can lack the biblical understanding necessary to help people out of the maze worse than getting lost in Ikea. Too often Christian “sex blogs” are too much like the world’s perspective when it comes to the more unusual practices. We cannot just settle for “as long as both spouses consent” to be our approach. We need to ask more profound questions (wait for part 3). A pastor is meant to shepherd his people thru issues and circumstances just like these. We find people in sexual darkness of various kinds and lead them back into the light. Telling pastors they need to keep quiet, or they are obsessed with sex, is leaving many of the sheep to their own devices, which can often be vices.